Sick Cycle
by Katraa
Summary: Sora Kayaki was in love. Riku wasn't. How will Sora cope with Riku moving? Will he be able to handle him gone and when he comes back? [riku x sora]
1. Prologue

**_ Summary_**:

_Sora Kayaki was more than happy with starting Highschool as long as he had his best friend, and not to mention crush, Riku Karada, with him. Of course, as fate always seems to do, Riku is sent off to Traverse Town for a year to live with his other family. At first Sora is devastated by it. Over time, he heals, only for that wound to be dug into him once more, sending the poor boy into a hurricane of mixed emotions. Everything was going fine, he had almost forgotten, until /he/ came back home. But what he did when he came back ... he never expected it, and it wripped his already slashed world into even small pieces._

_**Disclaimer**:_

_I promise this isn't your typical Highschool drama fanfiction. You know me better than that ;'D This is the queen of sadistic twists and turns right here. This will focus a lot more on their personal lives and the little twists and turns they will face. If you think you figured it out, you haven't. Love has no handbook. (unless you're reading Love Thy Brother ... haha ... bad pun...)_

**_Warnings:_**

_Rated T :: Yaoi :: Suggestive Themes :: Possible Darker Themes Later ::  
Pairings :: Riku x Sora ; Namine x Tidus (because I adore them together.) ; Kairi x Sora (for a bit) ; and Kairi x Hayner_

**Author's Note**: 

_Well, since Cabalistic is over and Love Thy Brother is ending soon, it's time for anotherrrr story! Yay? I'll add more to the author note later regarding this. First-person in most of this story. I'm branching out! This story just flowed from my mind so easily. I promise you it will be less twisty and dramatic as what I usually do; like in Caller Number Nine and Cabalistic. This is focusing more on the internal feelings. Wow, that sounded cliche. I promise you, also, that this will contain twists and things other than highschool. Have I ever steered you wrong? (don't answer that ... )_

* * *

_**Sick Cycle

* * *

**_

"Mrmph! Get off me, Riku! You're /cheating/!"

The figure of a lissome boy was instantly crushed under the weight of a slightly taller, more defined body. Immaculate blue eyes met with fierce, almost glassy green eyes from the body lingering above his own. Brown hair fell onto the face of the smaller, and now pinned boy. Small, delicate, and virgin lips contorted into a pout. Arms that had only really begun to develop into muscle pushed upwards, trying to jerk the body above him off. Cheeks of the brunette grew thousands of shades darker, completely red by this point. The discarded remote-controller for the now idle play station lay beside the skinny boy.

"I'm not cheating, _Sora_," The silver haired teen hovering above the brunette countered, strands of silver falling perfectly downward, tickling the face of the one beneath him. "Riku Karada doesn't cheat, he manipulates." He added on with a sneer before exhaling, chest expanding then retracting.

"Well, what ever you're doing, stop it! You're-" The brunette began in an angry response, teeth gritting together, but the television caught his attention. The character on the screen, the right side, namely his side of the multi-player game, had just taken a dive into the water. "You just made me loose!" The brunette snorted in aggravation, blue eyes narrowing up at the other.

"Oh, poor baby," Riku mused with mock amusement pushing off the squirming body of Sora. The fifteen year retook his seat in his blue bean-bag chair, snagging his remote control. "Did I hurt your feelings?" Teased Riku, now flipping through the display menu out of sheer boredom.

"More like my back," Sora grumbled, rubbing said body part as he pushed himself upwards into a sitting position.

"What was that?" Riku inquired, craning his neck to the side, silver hair swooshing as he did such. Green eyes followed every curve of Sora's body as he stretched his arms in the air, then resorted to snagging his controller.

"Nothing." Sora answered simply, giving Riku a childish look before smiling. "Are we going to play again? This time without you cheating?" Sora asked with utter happiness.

Riku found it downright amazing how jovial a person could be.

"Nah." Riku replied, leaning back into his chair, tossing his controller onto the ground beside him. "I think I should be heading back home. Mom wants me home before dinner. Don't want to be late, she'll probably think someone kidnapped poor old me and is raping me somewhere," Riku explained dramatically, smirking at Sora as he spoke.

"Ew. Thanks for the images, Riku." Sora pouted, snapping his eyes shut, concealing the true glee he got from simply /staring/ at Riku. He was a god. The most beautiful creature to walk upon the planet. But Sora would not say anything. Guys did not give each other compliment on their looks and personality. Or their hair, or eyes and how easily they could be lost in them…

All right, so he had a /slight/ crush on Riku. Big deal. He wasn't going to tell anyone! So who cared who he liked?

"Oh puh-lease, Sora. You know you love imagining me naked." Riku joked, reaching over to nudge Sora in the shoulder.

The brunette at once jerked in spot, body jumping a few millimeters into the air. This action earned an eyebrow raising from the older teen. "Don't do that," Sora whispered under his breath, not taking kindly to Riku taking advantage of his spacing out.

"Geez, someone's tense." Riku sighed, rolling his eyes, "Kairi dump you or something?"

"We're not dating, Riku!" Sora grumbled, "She's not allowed to date until high school, you know that." Sora sighed miserably, rubbing his temples as he spoke.

"Which is this year. A month away. Are you going to take the plunge? Or are you going to give me the honor of dating her?" Riku teased lightly, lips twisting into that trademark smirk.

Sora winced. He cared about Kairi as a friend, and had had a crush on her once or twice, but she was more like a sister. And oddly he didn't want Riku dating her. Mostly due to the fact that they had vowed that would never date her and ruin their friendship.

"Drop it." Sora requested, shrugging his shoulders.

"…Okay." Riku eyed Sora suspiciously, "Well, like I said, I better go."

Sora figured Riku would just get up and leave as he normally did, closing the bedroom door as he went. Sora figured he'd hear from the other the next day and listen to his rants about how handsome he was and how many girls were begging to date him. It was the usual routine.

He was never expecting Riku to extend a hand into the air and place it on Sora's cheek. The brunette tensed, blue eyes managing to glimpse over at the other. His lips fell open, wanting to say something but he found himself inaudible.

"You're amazing. Annoying, but amazing," A light smirk, as Riku's gaze for the first in a long time, as Sora remembered, softened. And it was simply breath-taking. "never change, all right?" He smiled faintly at the other before pressing their foreheads together to whisper huskily, "'Cause if you do, I'll date Kairi."

And with that he snapped up into a standing position and made his way nonchalantly out of the room, throwing Sora a wink as he went.

Sora sat there in utter confusion. How could one person cause him so much pain and frustration and yet be so damn beautiful.

- -

_Sora's Point Of View_

- - -

"Pass me those chips, would you, Sora?"

Tidus. I swear to anything holy that if that boy could gain ten pounds for every time he ate junk food, he'd be dead. All right, bad metaphor, but I was never really good at that kind of thing. Regardless, there he was, sprawled out on my bedroom floor, one hand caressing the black game controller, and the other reaching behind him, expecting me to toss him the bag of chips. My lips fell into a frown before I found my voice to answer.

"What do I look like, your slave?" I pouted, folding my arms as I leaned back against my headboard of my bed. My blue eyes closed somewhat. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night prior to this, too busy trying to beat a video game, enjoying summer and taking it for advantage.

"Nah." Tidus answered with a smirk, glancing over his shoulder to me, "Look more like Riku's."

And that right there earned him not a bag of chips, but a face full of pillow.

"Ow!" Tidus grumbled upon the impact. "You're such a brat," He mumbled in disgust. "You're going to get your ass beat this year, I kid you not."

"Why?" I demanded, cocking my head to the side to stare at my friend with the utmost curiosity. What right did he have saying such things anyways?

"Because you're so sarcastic!" Tidus retorted dispassionately, as if my well being did not matter in the least to him. I frowned at once, for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Tidus was a great friend and all … but he was just too blunt and negative and tried to hard to fit in. I guess that was what you could consider him as.

"So?" I taunted, this time with a goofy grin.

"Go die somewhere, Sora." Tidus grunted in a chuckle, turning his attention back to the television screen.

"Gladly." I joked, rolling my eyes. I was about to drift into the realm of dreams, determined to take a quick nap, but the fates had something else planned for me. Within moments, the ringing of my cell phone cut through the silence like a knife. It was amazing and somewhat pathetic at how easily I could jump from nerves.

Reaching over, I snagged the phone and pushed it up to my ear, "Hello?" I dared, figuring it would be either Kairi or Selphie wanting to tell me something stupid or pointless they had learned. Or maybe some gossip I really wasn't interested in. Other people's lives, other than my friend's, never really mattered much to me.

"Hey, I'd like two cheese pizzas with a side of Sora."

"Oh, nice one," I answered into the phone, rolling my eyes before propping myself up on my elbows. "What's up, Riku?" At once a smile spread onto my face.

"Nothing really." Even on the phone, even being a mile away I could tell something was definitely 'up' just by the broken undertone in his voice. I was afraid to push on the subject, but I guessed it would be best to.

"You don't sound like it," I found myself answering back, now having Tidus' eyes glued onto me as if I was some entertaining movie. I rose my right hand in a swatting motion, as if to deter his actions.

"Eh.." I could /hear/ him shrug.

"Riku?..." I inquired, blue eyes blinking. Yes, something was wrong. And now I was worried, and that dissuaded me from wanting to know. Maybe I should have never asked. Or better yet, answered the phone.

"Actually, I need to tell you something," He seemed so strong. It was a fallacy. I should have known, but I believed that he was touch and durable, in some senses. I always believed him.

"Er… what?" My heart began to spasm. I had wanted him to say those words so many times. I couldn't count the times that I wanted him to say such, and then lead onto a confession, with that Riku quirkiness he had. I should have known that wasn't what I was going to get. God, I should have known.

"Remember when I said that I would introduce you to some of my friends at the high school the first day?" Riku began, as trying to avoid the conversation in all. But Riku always had a reason for everything he said, so I told myself to play along. He was the instructor, and I was a lifeless marionette, under his command for too long.

"Yeah." I answered at once sheepishly, Tidus having exited the room to get something to drink or something. But in actuality, he was respecting my privacy; something I figured Tidus would never do.

"Don't think that's going to happen, kid."

I hated when he did that. Absolutely hated it. Just because was a year older then me, half a year to be exact, he acted like he was so much wiser. He was even in the same grade, so I really didn't understand why he acted like a jerk so much.

"Why?" I should have never asked that.

"Sora, I'm sorry."

He never apologized. Riku never apologized for anything.

"For what?"

"I'm so sorry."

What was he talking about? My voice contained distress, and by now my heart was beating erratically, threatening to create a bloody mess on the bed. But I should have known this was only the beginning of what was going to be the most devastating thing to ever happen to me.

"Riku, please." I nearly begged, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm leaving in the morning to Traverse Town."

And the silence never felt so uninviting.

"W-w-here?" My voice cracked.

"Traverse Town. You know, off the islands, where Wakka is from." Riku sounded preoccupied, almost annoyed. Like he really didn't want to be talking and informing me of this. And not in the good sense either.

"I-i-…" My body began to go throw countless shaking fits.

"Sora, don't say anything."

"When are you coming back? Before the second day of school?" I was so optimistic, I was hopeful. But he did not take heed. He was going to rip me of my confidence and assertion.

"…Summer, next year."

"Oh." I answered emptily. I had never expected high school without Riku. Never.

"Please don't be like this, Sora." He grumbled on the other line, making an audible sigh into his phone.

My body tensed as I gripped the phone tightly, shaking my head, "Like what?" Two could play at the game of wearing a fake mask of strength. "I'm not being like anything."

"Argh…" He grumbled and then sighed yet again. "I'll call you when I get there with the new number. Good night Sora," And with that he hung up.

He was angry, I could tell. He didn't stay to hear my sobs, nor my pleas for him to stay. He didn't stay to hear my silent confession. "But where does that leave me?..."

----  
_one month later_  
---

"Isn't this place /huge/?"

Kairi nudged me in the side with excitement as we entered the highschool building. I gave a half-hearted shrug. It was all I could allow. How could I give her all my heart if the person who held it was so far away? But I tried my best to pretend I was all right, just for Kairi's sake. I was never one to be sad or extremely bothered by things, so I put on a fake smile and nodded in agreement.

In entirety, the place was huge. I imagined myself being whisked around, up and down the halls, Riku's arm hooked within mine, his silver hair smacking my face as he quickly turned. Except in this reality, I was walking beside Kairi, a notebook in my right hand, and my left hand idly at my side. The hand that should have been interlaced with Riku's.

"Now where's the hot senior chicks?" Tidus at once asked, glancing around the main entrance, watching a few girls walk by that sported short skirts and skimpy tops. His eyes at once widened as he turned to Kairi and myself, bearing that famous Tidus perverted grin. "Well you two, I'll meet you in the cafeteria for the introduction breakfest. I've got some ... business to attend to."

And with that he was off to chase down absoluete strangers, their only redeeming quality being their pretty faces.

"Sora. You look sick," Kairi spoke, nudging me yet again in the shoulder.

For the first real time that day I glanced over at her. "Nah. Nerves getting to me," I offered her a sheepish and coerced smile. It was enough. She smiled and continued following Selphie and Wakka who seemed to know the way. However, the orange-haired blitzball player slowed his pace, noticing I was walking alone behind Selphie, Kairi, and himself.

"Something wrong, Sora?" He inquired, his accent thick in his voice. Me and Riku had made a joke that it was a mix between Traverse Town accent and Destiny Islands accent, figuring that no one here spoke like that. I flinched. Somehow Riku had entered my mind once more. How did he do that?!

"Nothing at all," I lied with that guileless smile that all of my friends had come to love me by. "Just a bit nervous and all... miss the middle school." It worked for Kairi, but it obviously wasn't for Wakka.

"Is this about Riku?" He further pried, his hand slapping onto his chin to add to his inquistive look.

I slowed my pace once again, eying Wakka. Since when was he so perceptive. "Why would it be?" It hurt just to have someone say his name, let alone talk about him. I guessed this was a mixture of what it felt like to lose your best friend, and your first crush all in once instance. A toxic mixture, I swear it.

"Come on, man. You've got the look of a hopeless romantic smeared all over your Ôace." He spoke quickly, sneering as he did such.

"I'm not a hopeless romantic!" I pouted back, taking offense to the suggestion. Only girls were hopeless romantics, like Kairi and Selphie. I had never seen a guy be a /hopeless/ romantic before, and I certaintly was not the first. "And especially not about Riku!" I added in quickly, sounding more perpelxed then I really was at that moment.

"Ya know it's not good to lie," Wakka retorted, poking me in my shoulder to prove his point. "Nose might start to grow."

"As if..." I sighed with a shrug, "And I'm not lying." It came out in a distant grumble as we turned to the right.

"Forgetting isn't going to solve your problem," Wakka noted before shrugging himself and making his way back up to the others. He did not seemed annoyed, but a bit disappointed. Like I really was going to tell him how I was truly feeling.

"Perhaps it isn't... but sometimes forgetting is the only way to move on," And I wished with everything I had that I believed that. I wanted to forget how much Riku meant to me, wanted to move on and actually date people, but something seemed so wrong with that idea. So I digress...

- - - -

"Welcome to Twilight High."

A round of applause was sounded when a man with blonde hair made his way up onto the stage. He wore crimson robes, and seemed far older than I had expected. Even from where I was sitting, I could see how benevolent his eyes appeared. I leaned against the back of my chair, sliding down a bit so my hair wouldn't block the view of some fellow freshman that may be sitting behind me. My eyes watched the man with interest. He seemed a lot more wise and kind then my old prinicipal; Xemnas.

"I'd like to introduce myself. I am Diz. But most of you would find it appropriate to address me as Mr. Ansem." His eyes sparkled as he spoke, which instantly reminded of how my father's eyes gleamed when he used to tell me stories. Before he left the islands to enter a war between a few worlds. My stomach sank. I hadn't spoken to him for a few days now ... was he still all right?

"Our vice prinicpal," Diz motioned to a lanky looking man with pink hair and a quirky smile, "Is Mr. Xea." He smiled to the other man who gave a wave as a greeting. All right, principal seemed nice, vice...awfully creepy. Not cruel, just creepy. I mean, who had pink hair...

"As for the rules this year for all you newcomers, freshman as you're called," His wording made me smile. It felt nice to have someone speak so awkwardly and yet sophsitcated at the same time. "They are all stated clearly in the handbooks we will be handing to you all before the day is over." He eyed the audience for a brief moment.

"But first I would like to introduce the teachers for the freshman clas-" Was the last thing I heard him say before a vibration in my left pocket drew my attention away. I blinked as it continued. My heart dropped, mostly due to the fact that cell phones were strictly prohibited. Glancing to my left and right, taking note that the teachers were all in the front by now, I swooped my hand into my pocket, removing the phone to quickly flip it open and glance at the cause of the disturbance.

One new text message.

I glanced around to see if Tidus or Wakka were grinning at me stupidly from either side of Kairi or Selphie, but their eyes were fixated on the teachers. Well, except Tidus. He was still scoping out all the new freshman girls from the other middle school that were now attending the highschool. Figures.

I clicked the button to read the message, and my heart instantly plummeted lower in my stomach.

/ Hey kid. How your first day going? Get in trouble yet? See any hot girls that tickled your fancy/

My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the number as Riku's cell. I bit my lip nervously as my fingers began to go to work on typing up a reply. My blue eyes lowered from the phone and around me briefly to make sure that no one was looking. Last thing I needed was to get in trouble.

/ Riku! Do you realize how much trouble I'll get in if I get caught/

I sent it and leaned back into the chair, trying to listen to the conversation going on between the teachers and Mr. Ansem.

"This is Mr. Jayin, the freshman science teacher." A man with black and white streaked hair gave a jovial wave with a smirk at the students. At once it was known that this teacher was a favorite among them. He seemed nice and ... sponatneous.

"This is Mr. Kayazki, the math teacher," He motioned to a man with thick blonde hair that covered most of his face. Compared to Riku, he was the essence of ugly. Then again, mostly all of these people were ugly compared to Riku.

Another vibration ripped my attenton away from the presentation back to my phone. I clicked the little mail icon to hastily read the message.

/ You know I love it when you scream my name. Anyway, how's life/

Damn Riku.. I winced as my heart, yet again, skipped a beat. Even on texting Riku would be such an /ass/. I rolled my eyes before dexterously typing in my response yet again. I was so going to fail high school because of Riku, whether he be here or not.

/ You're an idiot. Good I guess. Why haven't you called/

It had been almost a month and I still hadn't received a call from the other, so I figured he had wanted to cut all ties with me. I wouldn't blame him. But now with the textes, I figure he was just busy getting adjusted to his new life, new friends...possible new girlfriends. My stomach lurched, making me feel a bit light-headed.

I must have zoned out because the next time my phone vibrated, I hadn't heard a single word of what anyone was saying.

/ Busy. Are you jealous hunny/

Double Damn Riku.

I sighed, using my free hand to rub my temples. He was too sarcastic and naive for his own good. Kairi glanced over, having taken note of my repeated texting. Her eyes trailed down to the message where she at once smirked. Of course she figured it was a girl, I mean, who would call a guy hunny? Well.. except Riku.

"Who's that from?" She whispered as she beamed at me.

"N-no one." I whispered back harshly, beginning to type my message back to him.

"Girlfriend?" She teased, her grin growing as I rolled my eyes, laughing her statement off.

/ I told you don't call me that. And why would I be jealous/

Kairi eyed me once more and shrugged. She turned her attention back to the stage where the teachers were giving speeches. Relief, finally. I was about to tune back into them when Selphie leaned over, peering at the screen.

"Whatcha doing Sora?" She whispered in a giggle in my ear. Argh. Selphie.

"Nothing," I replied quickly.

"Oh, it looks like something." She answered, her curious eyes glued to my cellphone screen. Why were women so nosey? Must be genetics or something like that I concluded.

Oh curse ironic timing.

/ Don't you miss my hands all over you? You know; sex. Miss me much/

My face turned bright red as Selphie stifled a laugh. She grinned widely before nudging her elbow into my gut.

Triple Damn Riku.

She watched me enter my response, trying her best not to break into a round of laughing right there on the spot.

/ I resent your perversion. /

By now both Kairi and Selphie were glancing at the screen, sending looks to one another that obviously said; Sora's got a girlfriend. I glared at them before bringing up a blank message to type in capital letters what I wanted to say to them. Once I was done it read "It's Riku, you morons."

By now Selphie had resorted to biting down on her hand to halt her laughs. Kairi turned to the side, coughing to disguise the laugh. Oh great, now they thought he actually meant it.

/ Oh baby, don't be mad. You know I love you. /

"Riku's gay?!"

What a great way to start a new year. Congratulations go to Selphie.

I flinched as Selphie loudly questioned Riku's sexuality. The whole small section we were sitting in stared at her, trying their best not to laugh, as if not to bring any unneeded attention to us. For that I was actually thankful. My face was bright red by now and I just wanted to die.

Riku had always been an ass when it came to teasing, but now he seemed even more cocky and sarcastic.

/ Thanks a lot. Selphie just screamed when the principal was talking. /

The response I received was quick, and both girls were leaning over their arm rests to glimpse at what it said.

/ Sorry. Figured that Selphie would take that the wrong way. /

"Lemme send him something." Selphie whispered into my ear, her face showing that she was planning something malicious. I held my phone away from her, trying my best not to let her grab it. Of course, by that time Kairi had a nice view of my phone, and the now display wallpaper.

"Your wall-paper is Riku?" Kairi asked, grinning widely as he tilted her head to the side. "You miss him that much that he's your wallpaper? Since when did Riku start to rank over peaches?"

Peaches. My favorite fruit. All of my friends knew that, mostly seeing it was my display picture. What else did I have other than pictures of Riku and Kairi to put on it?

"Shut up," I blushed as I sent my next response.

/ That's fine ... call me later, okay/

I sent it and then buried my cellphone in my pocket.

Today was one of thsoe good and yet bad days. And it was just about to get worse.

- - -

_Riku Point Of View_

- - -

"Who the hell was that?"

I peered with mock amusement over at the brunette who was sitting beside me on the bleachers. His dark eyes stared at my phone as I typed up my last response. His russet hair was in his face as he glanced downward, making it hard to tell if he was actually staring at my phone or that girl's ass in the next row. Never can tell with him.

I snickered at him, noticing that not only him, but Cloud and Tifa had craned their necks to gain view of what I was doing. "Oh. Just some lovesick girl back from the islands." All right, so it wasn't, but they seriously did not need to know that. People were too curious for their own damn good. Feed them enough lies and they'll believe them.

"Oh, so we have a heartbreaker on our hands?" Cloud smirked, his hand reaching out of nowhere to clasp my shoulder.

"Hopefully you won't break /too/ many hearts here, pretty boy."

"I resent that, goldie locks." I shot back with a laughed with a hint of scorn, and a hint of enjoyment.

The brunette, Leon, at once chuckled at my comeback. Tifa laughed insanely from where she was sitting, and Yuffie was beside her, leaning against her friend's shoulder to support her from falling down onto the bleacher levels below from the amount of laughing she was doing. Women were so weird when it came to their habits.

"Your name's Riku, right?" Cloud inquired, leaning back against the empty space behind him. I nodded slowly, placing my phone silently into my vest pocket to further listen. "You seem okay. I mean, if Leon here took you under his wing already, then I don't see why not we can't let you enter our group."

"Group?" I dared, eyebrow arching with the utmost curiosity.

"You know, 'click'," Tifa grinned at the choice of word's Cloud was using, "The popular, respected, get it all group?"

Get it...all? What kind of talk was that? Of course I was smart and sly and everything in between, so I smirked, "Are you saying that you take it from guys?" I wasn't expecting what I received next.

"No shit," He spoke with a rolling of his blue eyes.

I stared at him, lips having fallen open from shock. Rewind. No one back on Destiny Islands accepted men on men things, nor did they accept the people that committed it. Here was it ... idolized? That was a /bit/ disturbing. I grumbled darkly to myself before shrugging as if to prove that I hadn't meant any harm by my statement.

"Leon's his boyfriend." Yuffie informed me with a smirk, "He left me for him. I don't mind it /that/ much." She eyed Vincent and Reno a few people down. Must be part of the group also. "Bigger fish in the sea."

All right. Weird. Note to self, avoid Yuffie at all costs.

"So tell us about your ... endeavors back home." Cloud spoke, which received a rolling of the eyes from his boyfriend.

"Endeavors? You mean my hopes?.." I inquired, not really getting what the hell he was talking about. This town was so screwed over. Have to make sure to tell Sora that, and tell him I figured out where Wakka got his weirdness from.

"No not your hopes." He smacked his forehead with vexation.

"He means your relationships." Leon explained cooly, eying Cloud with interest.

"...Oh, right, those." I replied coolly, hand raising from my side to run through my hair. "Those were great. Few girls here, few girls there. You know the kind." To be bluntly honest, I had only had one girlfriend, and that was Larxene back home. Some freshman I had met when I was still in eighth grade.

"Aw man." Yuffie at once spoke, a look of disappointment etched on her face.

"What?" I dared, further arching my eyebrows.

"He's straight. He would have went /so/ well with Roxas." She shrugged and then went back to making eyes at that black-haired Vincent guy.

"..." I blinked cautiously, looking from each member, "I'll pass." I grumbled, not flattered by their statements.

"We all know that Roxas loves Naminé, and Axel has the hots for Roxas." Leon retorted to the black-haired girl, "You can't break up that love triangle. Would be against the laws of ... well, life." He seemed so at ease saying such things.

I don't think I like Traverse Town... not at all.

- - -

_Sora's Point Of View_

- - -

I made my way home quickly that day, not wanting to deal with the remarks Selphie and Wakka, and perhaps even Tidus were about to throw my way. The last thing I needed was for my friends to start accusing me and my best friend to be in love. Even if... maybe I did feel something for him. But I swear it wasn't love! I do not love people, only my parents. Figured it's safer that way ...

Not like he would return it anyhow.

"Sora, wait up!"

Kairi came speeding after me, frantically waving her hand in the air to flag me down. I paused, holding my notebook from earlier tight in my grasps.

"Yeah?" I questioned, the cellphone burning a hole in my pocket. Right now I just wanted to get home, read that message Riku had left me, and then call him.

"Sorry about earlier.. I gave Selphie a good thwack," She made a hitting motion into the air, "for being so stupid and saying that." She offered a friendly smile and shrugged. "You looked upset over it, so i'll make sure we don't bring him up."

"Er, Thanks?" I dared, smiling back at her as she nodded and headed off her own way. Kairi was the queen of short conversations after all.

When I had finally reached home, I was estatic just to collaspe onto my bed, face into the pillow, and exhale. I hate highschool, I really do. It is no fun, at all. It had go die somewhere.

I sighed and reached into my pocket, flipping open my cell to read the new message.

/ Can do. Love you babe. /

Quadruple Damn him.

My heart sank to its lowest pits. Right now I wanted to curse wildly into the air for how moronic Riku could be. I shoved my cell phone under my pillow with irritation as I made my way over to my CD player, randomly putting the CD to a song so I could blast the thought of my friend out of my mind.

And that perhaps was the worst idea ever.

I had not really listened to the CD that well, but that all changed that night.

I was laying there for what felt like hours, and perhaps it was. My mom had brought my dinner up, take-out, figuring I was hard to work on something for school. I ate quickly, listening to the first three songs repeat over and over. I liked them a lot, and didn't dare continue on to the next ones. Usually CD's had only a good few songs anyhow.

My blue eyes stared up at the ceiling, being completely lost. Riku had tired to call multiple times, I could tell from the vibrating sound I had heard countless times that evening. I wasn't really in the mood to speak with him after today. It hurt too much.

He seemed relentless in his attempts to all, however. Sighing, I eventually reached under my pillow to reach for the phone on his twentieth attempt to get a hold of me. Clutching the cell-phone with dismal interest. I was too tired from my first day of school to even notice that it was in fact ten at night, and I really ought to be getting to sleep. Remind me to hate high school.

"Hello?" I questioned groggily, already knowing who it was.

"Hey beautiful."

And yet I flinched upon hearing the familiar voice after an entire month.

"Hey, Riku," I replied disdainfully, wishing that he actually meant what he said. "I almost got caught texting you today.." I trailed off, feeling a bit queasy at the idea.

"Sorry, really," I could /hear/ him grin from the other end. "Store this number, kay? I'm calling you from my home phone." He added on.

"All right," I answered, another yawn slipping its way from my lips.

"How are you?" He dared, his breath a bit rigid.

It at once reminded me of the day before he left, and how damn /much/ I wanted to kiss him. He had to be breaking a law for being so tempting. I realized that getting over him was going to be the hardest thing I would have to overcome this year. Not classes, not upperclassmen.

"Okay I guess. Tired." I murmured. I silently wondered if he could tell that I was still flustered over his behavior of today.

"Want me to come down there and put you to sleep?" Amusement was drenched in his melodic voice. Oh, he was enjoying this, I could tell.

"I'll pass," I replied, knowing he was suggesting one of his infamous innuendos.

"Find a boyfriend yet?" He at once inquired.

"R-r-iku," I sputtered, springing up from my laying position. "I'm not…" I trailed off, finding it uncomfortable to even talk about this to him. Especially when he was joking and I wasn't.

"Why so tense?"

"Don't know," I answered honestly, finding the darkness of the roo suddenely unbearable. And so cold. So cold that I felt myself shivering. "I'm not used to going this long without seeing you.." I was being honest, something I hoped he understood.

"Aw… love you too," He sneered, taunting and teasing, like always.

"Goodbye Riku," I snapped, closing my cell phone. I figured I would store his number in the morning. I just wasn't in the mood tonight. I didn't need to constantly remind myself of him.

After awhile, I decided to go to sleep. After that fiasco with Riku, I guessed I deserved some good rest. In the background as I spaced out, the CD skipped onward from three to around ten. My ears listened to the song, lyrics drilling a hole into my head.

This song...

My heart clenched upon hearing it and letting the words register in my mind. This was a love song, a sad one ... and it fit too perfectly. It was like; horribly ironic.

Tears pricked painfully in the corner of my eyes. I refused to cry anymore. Riku wasn't worth it, I told myself. Without another word, I buried my head into the pillow, now resenting that song, Far Away was it? Of course, before I did fall asleep, I happened to glimpse curiously at my phone vibrating again at around midnight.

On it displayed a single message.

/ I'm sorry. You probably hate me for earlier. I understand. Well, sweet dreams. /

"Sweet dreams, Riku..."

- - -


	2. one step

_All right, next chapter. You all know me and my obession with sora and riku ness, so the ending bit of this chapter is dedicated to all you guys. Just figured I'd shove it in there to keep your raging wants for it down until the real stuff starts? Haha ... and yes, november second is Sora's birthday in this also! I guess I've just grown custom to a few things over the course of my fanfics. One, Riku's last name is Karada, two, Sora's last name is Kayaki (except in cabalistic), and three, sora's birthday is november second. Wow, I am lame. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter and leave a review!_

* * *

_**Sick Cycle

* * *

**_

**x x x**November Second**x x x**

"Hey Sora, where are you going?"

My attention was drawn back to my friends when the questioned reached my ears. Tidus, Kairi, and Selphie were seated around a large oval table, at our favorite restaurant. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, one of the best for quite a long time. My icy blue eyes glimpsed from each of their faces, taking note of their expressions before I cocked my head curiously. My hands reached into the pockets of my baggy black pants as I smiled sheepishly at them.

"Promised my mom I'd come back home right after lunch," I informed, nodding slightly at them.

Kairi stared at me for a long moment before shuffling with her things. In the end, she held up a blue notebook, waving it at me as it was my own. In fact, I think it was. Curiously, I made my way back over to the table to snag the notebook from the red-head. Carefully, I grabbed it, awaiting an explanation.

"Your science notes. Figured you'd be wanting them back," She responded, pushing her red hair back into a ponytail.

"Thanks for them by the way." Selphie added in, beaming at me as she glanced over at Tidus who was spacing out. Her eyes, and my own, followed his to the cause of the problem. Right, girls in mini skirts.

"What is with men?!" Selphie demanded in an annoyed huff, smacking her fist down into the table for that dramatic effect. I gave a half-hearted shrug before she continued, "All you guys care about is girls in skimpy clothing." She grumbled, eying Tidus intensely as she spoke.

"Say something?" Tidus inquired, noticing that Selphie was staring at him.

"Case and point," Selphie snapped, folding her arms to her chest as she leaned back in her cheers. Her annoyed gaze passed over to by standing form, letting it linger for a few moments before she decided to speak, "What about you Sora? Care to answer me why you guys think with your libido and not your brains?"

I could give her ten reasons why I wasn't like every other guy in this cafe.

"Eh... who says we don't?" I replied with a forced smile.

"That's right. Why am I asking Sora this? His sex drive isn't even active." Selphie spoke, receiving a laugh from Kairi beside her. I frowned, my eyes narrowing at her in a pathetic pout before she continued, "Just forget it. Have fun at home." She grinned, knowing that she had ticked me off for the day.

"You're such a moron," I called over my shoulder to Selphie, face a beat red as I made my way out of the restaurant, eyes rolling. It wasn't like I didn't have an imagination when it came to those things. It was just that I preferred not to think about stuff like that. I guess it was my morals, or something along those lines. Besides, the things my mind did think up ... I doubted that they were halfway normal.

I exited the restaurant, taking a sharp right to head back to my home. The afternoon air swooped against my bare face, making an involuntary shudder snake its way down my spine. My lips pierced into a frown at the wind which was making it colder then it really was. Sighing, I continued down the street to home, thinking how simply amazing it was that an island could get so cold.

My concentration on getting home with all my body limbs in tact was at once thwarted. A familiar vibration arose in my right pants pocket. My eyebrows arched, mumbling something under my breath about Selphie resorting to text messages. Without another word, I reached into the pocket to snag the phone, coming to a complete halt so I could read the message in peace.

My heart stopped.

/ Happy birthday. I'd strip and give you a night to remember.. but the whole distance thing kind of makes it hard. /

And then it skipped a beat.

My face turned a solid red as I stood there, the wind thrashing against my head, making my spikes of hair whoosh back and forth in it. Blue eyes stared questioningly down at the phone. By this point, my hands and body had begun to violently shake from stun and uncertainty. Of all the people to actually remember my birthday. It had to be him. Him of all people.

When was the last time I had actually spoken to him? The end of September? About a whole month or so now? My stomach churned with that disgusting, familiar feeling of being lovesick. Every time I thought I was healing, he came up with something like this. A joke, I know it was that, but it still had an impact on me.

I mean...who wouldn't want to see Riku completely unclot-

Bad Sora! Innocence is a virtue!

I mentally scolded myself as I hurriedly typed in a response, trying not to sound cruel, offensive, or soft. It was hard, something I had never been an adept in.

/ Thanks I guess. Glad someone remembered... Why haven't you called/

I sighed and pocketed the phone once more.

I returned home quickly, not wanting to bump into anyone from school, afraid that a conversation might spark and then my phone would vibrate and I would be lost in my little fantasy world that I had created. Riku never cared. I had to keep telling myself that. Riku never cared more then a friend, and he never/ever/ would. I needed to stop thinking like a lovesick teenager and more like a hopeful student. Ha, easier said then done.

The minute I walked in the door, my phone vibrated. It had been a good ten minutes, and I dully wondered what Riku could possibly be typing to me that took that long to send. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that either.

/ Sora ... let me explain something to you. While I'm gone, you need to find a new best friend. I'm not going to always be there to talk to you and comfort you anymore. God, you need to move on. Stop living in the past, you sap. Move ON /

My heart shattered and almost melted into a bloody pile right on my welcome mat.

"H-he.." We hadn't even been /dating/ and just the words 'move on' drove a stake into my heart. Tears pricked painfully in the corners of my eyes as I vehemently chucked my phone into my pocket and made my way into the kitchen, trying to get Riku off my mind.

He just couldn't do that to me. How could he forget everything we had gone through? And tell me to move on and find someone to replace him?! I could never replace him; I've tried. Selfish jerk. That's all Riku was.

Right now, I would be more then happy to never speak to Riku Karada as long as I live.

* * *

**_Riku_ . . . _"_**_If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine" . . ._

* * *

"Would you stop /texting/ already? That's all you do!"

Her violent snap, and smack to my head literally broke me off my trance. Jade hues peeled themselves off the text message screen, eagerly awaiting for a new message, to relocate themselves on Yuffie. How did she keep finding me? That girl must have a tracker on me or something. Narrowing my eyes at her, I leaned back in my seat, watching Leon and Cloud dance, or attempt to, in the other part of the room.

"So what? Not like there's anything better to do," I retorted with subtle amusement, leaning my chin into the palm of my hand.

"What about get a girlfriend? You're the only one in our entire group who's still a virgin. I wouldn't be surprised if you're the only guy in this entire school to have not been laid!" She overdramatically said, flailing her arms in the air as her black hair went all into her face.

She reminded me a lot of Selphie, but much more vulgar and blunt.

"And you take that as an accomplishment?" My eyebrow arched from her statement.

"Riku," She pulled the chair she had been sitting in up closer to me, "I'm not sure what it was like where you were from, but here things are different. You don't just 'save yourself' or what ever you claim to be doing. That's what geeks do. Idiots, people who are unattractive and can't get anyone. Either you do it, or be done." She winked teasingly at me, laughing a bit at her own pun.

I didn't find any amusement in this conversation.

"So you're saying that just because I'm not in the mood to fuck someone means I'm a geek? Sorry for being prude." I grumbled darkly in response, taking a sip of the soda on the table.

"Well, that's one way of putting it," She shrugged and noticed the anger gleaming in my eyes, "Listen, I didn't make the rules, I just live by them. You're one of us now, start acting like it." She gave an encouraging nudge to me in the shoulder, pointing her head to the direction of the dancing floor. "Go find someone and talk dirty to them."

"You people are so weird," I muttered, choosing to remain in my seat as I watched Leon and Cloud. Dancing like that back home would probably end up with you getting a slew of offensive names about you.

"Nah. You're just the weird one," Yuffie countered and paused, looking over to Roxas who was speaking with Naminé and avoiding Axel, "I still say you and Roxas would make the most adorable couple ever." She beamed at me.

Pathetic little girl.

"I'm not gay, thank you," I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Do you not like anyone? Are you like ... in love with yourself?" She questioned me, tilting her head to the side as she took a long sip of her own drink.

"I don't fall in love," I answered honestly, shrugging my shoulders. "Not worth it." Maybe it was, but I wasn't willing to argue over something that pointless.

"Man. You are so not getting far in this school." She rolled her eyes at me and arose from her seat to join the mob of dancing bodies. I sighed, considering her to be a horny lunatic, or something along those lines.

Without another word, I reached for my phone once again. It opened with a snap and I peered at the message written inside.

/ What? You don't want to speak to me now/

It was painful how dense and naive Sora could be.

/ No you idiot, I just meant that you need to stop worrying so much about me. /

There, that sounded good. I sent it and peered over at the time. God. It was only six and I was already bored to death. Why had I allowed them to drag me here? Wasn't like I was going to engage in any sexual activities, so why even bother. Muttering something under my breath, I waved down a waitress for another soda. Of course, she gave me this look that screamed 'why are you drinking soda at a place like this'.

One being because I liked my memory, and two; and I wasn't going to hit on anyone /here/.

My phone, once again, rang and I glimpsed down at my pocket to snag the phone.

/Sorry for caring. You can be such a heartless jerk./

Fucking Sora.

/I'm not saying that. Grow up. All I was saying is that you need to find someone that will-/

I deleted the text, growling at how long it was before typing in the brunette's phone number. I'd rather talk to him this way and listen to him cuss me out via telephone than text messaging. Besides ... I hadn't heard from him for a month or so. It felt strange not speaking to him.

"Hello..." Came the rather disdainful answer of Sora.

"Listen. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was just saying that you need to a find a girlfriend. Someone to make you happy," I shrugged, wishing that just for once I would listen to my own words. Too bad my case was far more complicated than what I was perceiving it to be.

"What if I don't want to?" Sora replied in a snap. I sighed, about to respond but the brunette cut me off, "Do you realize you're the only person to remember that today is my birthday other than my parents?"

I sighed, "...I was?"

"Yeah..." Sora mumbled, obviously hurt by that fact.

For some reason, we just kept hurting each other, and I had no idea how or why we were doing it. It was like no matter what I said, I just ended up making the poor boy angry.

"Riku! Get your ass of that phone and fuck somebody already!" Yuffie hollered from across the room, glaring at me with that dark stare of hers. It was normal for these people to talk like that; think like that. They hadn't been taught any better. I sighed, hearing Sora's small 'eep' from hearing what Yuffie had said.

"All they want me to do here is screw somebody," I scoffed, rubbing my head with vexation.

"Have you?" I was expecting Sora to say that. Sora and his stupid immaturity. These were the times where I did one of my famous comebacks. Hopefully this little joke wouldn't piss Sora off too much.

"Nah. Saving myself for you. You know how much I love you," I teased, figuring that I could kill two birds with one stone. Show Sora that I was still the same person he had been best friends with, and make Yuffie think I was talking to someone and actually meaning it.

"I hate you sometimes..." Sora sighed.

Why he took me so serious, I never knew.

"Sora?" I dared.

"Yeah?" His voice was hopeful; I had no idea why it was.

"Ask Kairi out. It'll be the best thing you could do." And with that I hung up.

I couldn't watch my best friend torture himself when I damn well knew that he was in love with Kairi. I couldn't let him deny it. And as for myself?... Perhaps I'll just slip off before anyone can catch me.. that sounds like a clever, wonderful idea! Too bad it didn't work.

"Riku Karada?"

I was halfway towards the door when a blonde had stopped me. He had dark blue eyes, almost like Sora's, but weren't as perfect. I eyed the spiky blonde, cocking my head to the side. "Yeah, that's me." I grumbled, arching an eyebrow in the process. This kid looked like a hooker, I swear it.

"Roxas Yamazki. Pleased to meet you," He extended his hand to me. I cautiously shook it.

So this was the Roxas I had heard so much about it. Must feel weird being stalked by a guy that loved you no matter what. And you didn't share those feelings and loved someone else. That was kind of a weird situation. I had to give him props for being so mentally strong to deal with it.

"Have you seen Naminé?" He inquired, glancing about.

Right, he loved that blonde girl.

"No," A pause, "But Axel's looking for you." I offered, shrugging my shoulders dismally.

"..." Roxas narrowed his eyes and sighed, "Gwagh. Would he take the hint already. I don't like him." Roxas grumbled, shaking his head in frustration.

"Tell him?" I suggested vaguely. "Don't make the poor guy suffer."

"You don't know him," Roxas refuted, making drastic hand motions, "He's the type of person to get you alone during a mutual conversation, then molest you!" Roxas informed, worry flashing in his eyes.

"If he loves you I doub-" I began but was silenced once more.

"He'll think I'm enjoying it!" Roxas bellowed, shaking his head. "The man's a madman!" Roxas glanced at me, praying for someone to pity him.

And I did.

"That's kind of a sucky situation." I shrugged to which he laughed.

"That's love." He paused and then blinked, "Yuffie tells me you're the virgin boy everyone's talking about it." He flashed me a toothy grin, smirking a bit. "Any particular reason? Or are you hiding your preferences?"

"I just don't see a need to screw everything that walks." I retorted, crossing my arms, only to be interrupted from a text message. I dove into my pocket, bringing the message up to read it.

/Remember Lonestar?/

I glanced briefly away from the phone then to Roxas.

"What'd it say?" Roxas inquired, tilting his head curiously.

"Something from a friend back on the islands." Since when did I stop calling it home? My stomach churned as he I quickly typed a message back, wishing that Sora would just take the hint and break off contact.

Be better for the both of us. He gets too emotionally attached.

/Yeah. I do. You. Me. The Peaches. And our class trip. /

I laughed at the memory.

"Riku?"

My mind was lost to the memory, and I'm quite sure Sora's was as well.

_**

* * *

"**__Gwagh! Riku, I am so bored!"_" 

_Sora clung weakly to Riku's shoulder, glancing out the window briefly to spy at the buildings passing them by. Each seemed to grow in size as they went. Blue eyes were glued to them, and to the silver-haired boy beside him. A small smile tugged onto Sora's lips as he pulled once again on Riku's sleeve, trying to pull the teen's attention back to him, all the while balancing his peach dessert._

"_Then do something." Riku retorted, leaning his head against the window out of boredom._

"_Give me your music if you're not listening to it." Sora suggested taking a bite of the creamy dessert._

_Riku sighed, and then reached into his bag for it. Sora was about to snag it from the other's grasps. Riku hesitated, "Here. Listen to this song. My mom loves it." He offered before switching CD's and turning it to number nine. He passed the CD player to Sora and sat back in his seat._

"_What's this song?..." Sora dared, arching his eyebrow as he smiled weakly._

"_It's by Lonestar. Don't know the song title exactly." Riku replied, staring at the highway outside the window._

"_I like it." Sora replied, face turning a light tinge of red. _

"_Thought you would." Riku teased, watching the brunette take the last spoonful of peach dessert and raise it to his lips. Before he had time to eat said mouthful, Riku reached over, clomping down onto it, and smirking up at Sora._

"_Riku!" Sora pouted, glancing down at the silver-haired teen who was currently on his spoon. Sora's face was a dark red by this point as he looked away, letting go of the spoon so Riku could lick it. Or what ever he was planning to do with it._

"_Thanks," Riku smirked before leaning over to breathe gently into Sora's ear over the music, "Tastes like summer days."_

"_You and me," Sora found himself whispering back._

"_Hand in hand," Riku continued, leaning back against the seat as Sora paused the music._

"_Walking on the beach..." Sora hummed, face still a scarlet red._

"_Toes in the sand," Riku murmured, eyes shut as he listened to his friend._

"_Tastes like summer days."_

"_You and me, babe." Riku mumbled, a yawn passing his lips._

"_Sweet summer days." Sora finished, smiling at Riku who was drifting into sleep. Why was it so hard to keep his mask on when Riku was around? Stupid hormones..._

_**

* * *

Sora . . ." **If it had a home would it be my eyes". . ._  
**_

* * *

_**

I knew that if I ever spoke to Riku again, I was going to slip. I couldn't keep talking to him and being reminded of all the good times we had. All the times were I constantly hinted, and he never got it. All the times I felt like kissing him when I knew how wrong it was. I sighed miserably, watching my mom in the other room bustling over my birthday cake. It wouldn't be the same without Riku here to celebrate, I was sure of it. But at least he had remembered Lonestar, and that was all I had.

"Tastes like summer days..." I trailed off, body aching to be close to his again.

Thinking back, I really don't understand why I hadn't just told Riku how I felt. He may have gotten mad, but I would have at least known how he felt in response. Of course, I would be expecting a 'no, I don't consider you attractive at all', but it would have put my restless mind at ease. I kept thinking about the 'what if's', and quite frankly, they were driving me insane.

My eyes fell downward at the cell phone n my grasps as I relaxed on the couch. With a sigh, and a quick flick of my right wrist, a video displayed itself on the screen. Pressing up, it began to play.

I remember that day so well. It was last year, to be exact, and Kairi, myself, and Riku were having an ice cream party with our friends in the park. Our parents were there to help. We were celebrating something, I can't remember exactly what. Regardless, the memory itself was all that mattered.

Tidus had taken the video.

It first showed Wakka and Kairi getting ice cream and pushing each other out of line, the typical thing friends did. It then showed a few of our other friends waving at Tidus goofily. A few seconds later Kairi was walking over with ice-cream. And there sat myself and Riku, talking about something. I, of course, was blushing at the camera, and Riku, being the typical tease he was, had his arm slung around my shoulders, and his face incredibly close to me, whispering something in my ear.

Kairi had given me the ice-cream, and taken a seat next to me, yelling at Tidus to go get his before it all melted. Within seconds, the video was off, but not before I had turned to Riku, nose bumping against his.

I remembered what happened after that, even if it wasn't on camera. Riku had grabbed his nose in pain, pretending I had hurt it. He teased me about it for days. Not because of the fact we were /incredibly/ close and within centimeters of kissing and ending the torture for me, but because I bumped his precious nose with my own.

Why did love hurt so much?

"Sora, hunny, Tidus is here."

It was typical that every year on my birthday I had Tidus and Riku spend the night. I figured that this year would be the last. But without Riku here, and just Tidus, things seemed so lonely, and so boring, so fast. My blue eyes glimpsed over at Tidus who was entering the room, carrying a wrapped present in his hands with a smirk before tossing it in my general direction.

"Why hello again, Sora." He smirked, to which I just rolled my eyes. "Happy birthday." He automatically said, having not said it earlier.

"Thanks?" I replied, setting the chucked gift on the couch beside me with a gentle smile in the other's general direction.

"So I guess it's just you and me this year?" Tidus suggested, arching his eyebrows inquisitively. "Unless you've got Riku hidden in your closet?" A long pause as my face turned a shade of red, "That would explain a lot. One, it would give Riku the chance to 'come out of the closet' for you, and two, it would explain why you're always so flustered looking lately." He sent me a devious look.

My face had to be the shade akin to that of a damn apple.

"T-tidus!" I stammered. "That's gross!" Gross? No. More like incredibly pleasing. I had to push the thought away, seeing the simple mention of Riku being in my room sent my mind spiraling into thoughts. And those thoughts were lately turning a lot more explicit than I had previously imagined.

"You have a dry sense of humor." Tidus scoffed with a shrug before peering into the kitchen at my mom. "'Ello Taranda!" He called.

"Hello Tidus!" She called back, waving with the frosting spoon she had used to coat the cake with. "Did you bring an appetite?" She inquired, setting the spoon down and reaching for the blue sprinkles.

"Sure did!" Tidus grinned and then glanced to me, "Guess what we're doing tonight?" He lowered his voice to a whisper.

"Oh god, what?" I dared, blinking slowly.

"We're calling Kairi and asking her out for you." He informed in a matter-oh-fact sort of voice.

My face instantly paled. All right, here was the thing. I had always thought I just had a crush on Kairi and a large one on Riku, but lately that was proving to be a fallacy. In fact, I hadn't shown any interest in any girl's lately ... so was I truly jus t interested in guys? Namely Riku? My heart sank at the idea of dating Kairi. You don't date your best friend ... well, never mind, that theory is wrong all around and would just ruin my chances with Riku if it were true.

"No we're not." I retorted, shaking my head frankly.

"Then we'll just ask her to Homecoming for you. Nothing too major. Just a little date. Make people think that you actually are straight." Tidus teased, sitting down on the couch beside me.

I paled once more. I hated how people openly teased me about not dating any girls. They all assumed I was straight, but just liked to nag and joke around over the fact that I possibly could not be. They had no idea that I wasn't straight at all, and that my mind had taken a strong liking for one certain silver-haired teen whose body screamed sex. And now I was blushing again.

"F-fine." I spoke. I had to agree with him. One date to Homecoming wouldn't be that bad ... right?

"Good." Tidus smacked me on the shoulder. "We better do it tonight before Hayner figures out there's a Homecoming," Tidus explained, "He'd snatch Kairi up in a heartbeat."

I really only wanted to go to Homecoming with- Okay. Now I'm just sounding like a broken record... or a lovesick girl who's mind only focuses on her crush. I'm not a girl! I could think of things other than Riku!

"Okay, okay." I replied hastily.

"Good." Tidus beamed at me and then paused when Taranda motioned for him to come into the room. "Well look, Sora, cake's done." He sent me a devilish grin before he rose from his seat and scampered into the kitchen.

I followed suit to make a wish, eat the chocolate cake, and open my present from him, which was, as expected, a new video game and CD. He always got me the same thing each other.

_**

* * *

Sora. . .** "Would you believe me if I said i'm tired of this?" . . .**

* * *

** _

"I can't believe she said yes!"

Tidus seemed more excited over Kairi saying yes to Homecoming than I did. And she was my date. I glanced over at Tidus who was sprawled out in the beanbag chair, grinning up at the television as he continued the level. A sigh slipped from my lip as my gaze turned to the clock. It was already twelve on a Saturday night. A yawn fell for my lips as I rolled over, bringing the blankets up to my chin. Tidus paused the game, looking over at me with a grin.

"Going to bed already?" He questioned, shutting the game off and collasping onto his sleeping bag. The brunette dragged the bean bag over to his sleeping bag to use it as a large pillow.

"I'm tired," Was my only excuse.

"I know, being fifteen is such a hassle." Tidus further teased, rolling his eyes before looking over at me. "Have a good birthday overall?"

"Yeah." I admitted.

"Just think, you got your first date on your birthday." Tidus informed, slipping into the sleeping bag as a yawn elicited from his own lips. "That's pretty special."

"Yeah, I know." I replied with a cheeky smile.

"I bet she'll look damn hot in a dress." Tidus sneered.

I couldn't picture Kairi looking hot. Cute, maybe, but hot? I shrugged dismally. "Yeah, yeah, what ever." I mumbled, nuzzling my head against the pillow with yet another sigh.

"Sorry. Keep forgetting that your sex drive doesn't work for girls." He paused before lowering his voice., "Maybe if I say Riku in the shower that might peek your interest."

I was glad my face was covered with the blankets. "Tidus, you're a sick pervert." Was all I muttered out from my hiding spot, trying to fight off the deep scarlet color dancing on my already reddened cheeks.

"Dry humor," He sang before turning the television off.

Darkness shrouded us as I lay there a few moments, just thinking. That was, of course, before I fell into a dream. A dream that I wish could have been real ...

_He pushed him against the wall, a smirk plastering itself on his face. Silver hair fell down onto his swarthy skin as green eyes fixated themselves with blue ones. The smirk then faded to a devilish sneer as he breathed out, hot puffs of air tickling the brunette's face. The brunette squirmed lightly, only making the taller of the two push his body flush to the younger's._

"_Tell me again," Breathed out the silver-haired teen, lips ghosting over the sensitive part of Sora's neck, "What you meant by 'desires'." His voice was sultry, and it made the brunette feel intoxicated at once._

"_N-nothing," Sora attempted coolly, doing his best to keep his arms by his sides. In the end, his arms betrayed him, and wrapped themselves around Riku's neck. Fingers shakily played with the silky strands of silver hair he found there as a nervous smile crept onto his cherry lips._

"_You're sexy when you're nervous, you know that?" Riku breathed out huskily, lips descending onto the brunette's neck._

_A gasp elicited from Sora's lips as he arched his neck away from the touch, allowing more of his heated flesh to Riku. His fingers dug into the mass of silver hair as he felt those angelic lips trail sloppily up his neck, biting and licking as they went._

_Mews intermingled with moans flew from Sora's lips as he felt the lips constantly pressing against his flesh, soon to be at his jaw line. The kisses continued, only to be paused when they were face-to-face. "I want you, Sora." Riku whispered, kissing the boy's cheek as his hands slid up the brunette's shirt._

"_Please," Sora begged, arching into the cold touch of Riku's hand. "Please," He continued, loving how Riku smirked at him and kissed him full on._

I was /regretfully/ awaken at that point of the dream by my cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. I hissed darkly, sitting there for a few moments as the vibrating stopped. My whole body was incased with sweat, and I felt /incredibly/ weak and desperate to feel Riku's lips against my body once more.

A soft whimper escaped my own lips as I ran a hand across my neck, tears prickling in my eyes as I did such. It wasn't real, but it felt so good.

It had been only two months, and my affection for my best friend had gone from crush, to love, to a /mature/ form of love within that time. Not only did I desire to be with Riku, but I desired him ... god, I'm losing my mind.

And it's all his fault.


	3. young hearts

_Questions? I know you must have them ... well, I'll answer a few. Riku won't be back for quite a few more chapters. You'll be learning a lot about him in the next few. And more about Sora and his inner struggle, and all that jazz. This story flows so easily, and I just love writing it. So show some love and leave me a darling review. Please?_

_

* * *

_

Sick Cycle

* * *

My mother, Taranda as most other 'adults' called her, had always been the eccentric one. Not bounce off the walls, sugar-high, screaming fan girl eccentric … but more so overly happy, try her best, make a big deal out of the smallest things eccentric. Moreover, of course, me being her only son, I was the one to inherit that trait. My father, Anayo, left us when I was four. He had the serious, romantic, and determination. Apparently, he lives in Traverse Town … so I don't doubt that he hasn't met Riku yet. They both do share a hobby for baseball after all.

Back on the situation of my mother overreacting to everything, she was doing just that.

Her brown hair was pulled back in a messy bun as her nimble fingers attacked the sides of my suit with a needle. The point of said needle stabbed me once again, to which she winced and hurriedly apologized, laughing at her own clumsiness. Only a mother a son could love, I supposed.

"I bet Kairi looks beautiful." Taranda cooed, smiling up at me as she took in the large sides of the suit. Her large, blue eyes looked at me with such pride and love, that it was hard to think anything less of her.

"I bet she does." I concurred, a light tinge of color spreading throughout my already warmed face.

I would not deny that I was excited to see Kairi dressed up. I honestly was. And I won't deny that fact that I was elated by the fact that she was my date to the biggest dance of the year. Thing was, I could not for the life of me figure out why I was so gloomy. Wasn't I supposed to by jovial at a time like this?

"Did Tidus finally get a date?" Taranda wondered, holding the string between her teeth as she tied a knot.

"Yeah … some girl that just moved here a week ago from Traverse Town." I informed with a carefree smile, "Her name's Naminé. She's really nice."

"Well then, that's great!" Taranda exclaimed, reaching for the scissors to cut off the excess string that was not needed.

"I suppose." I offered in way of response, shrugging my shoulders as she cut said string.

She motioned for me to stand up straight, to which I hastily did. Her eyes swarmed over me, surveying her job. Once done, she slapped a gentle hand onto my shoulder with that motherly look on her face. "Sora, you look absolutely charming."

"Thanks, mom." I answered, glancing at the suit. Suits were not my thing …

"If only we could have managed to get your hair down for once," Taranda trailed off, observing my spikes with a bit of a grimace. "But over all, you look great."

"I like my hair," I refuted, giving it a gentle tap before smiling.

"I know you do." Taranda laughed softly before looking at the clock. "What time does the dance end again?"

"Eleven." I responded, marching over to my couch to rest. "Kairi should be here in a few minutes," I added on, guessing her next question before she had time to ask it.

"Make sure you have fun."

"I will." I promised.

A question flickered in her eyes, but she resisted the urge to ask it. I wasn't sure what she wanted to ask me, but I guessed it wasn't that important seeing she shrugged it off. She paced her way throughout the living room, shuffling over to the cabinet. I froze when I realized what she was grabbing. Oh god no mom, not the camera!

"Just getting it ready for Kairi comes." Taranda said waving her hand in the air to disperse the confusion that had just arisen in regards to the camera.

"Do you have to take a picture?" I whined, crossing my arms to my chest as I leaned back against the couch.

"I have to send a picture of you on your big day to your father." Taranda explained, turning the camera and testing it. When the light on it confirmed that it was working, she 'hmphed' triumphantly.

"Fine." I murmured.

A knocking broke my trance on the ceiling. Blue eyes glanced over to the door to which my mother was hurriedly making her way over. I laughed softly, rolling my eyes in the process. Carefully, I hoisted my body up and into a standing position.

Taranda opened the door moments after, allowing Kairi to make her way into the house. She tossed a wave over her shoulder to her parents, as if to tell them they could drive off and head back home. Her turquoise eyes fell from outside and over to me.

She was wearing a dark garnet dress, accented by silver detailing. Around her neck was simple, liquid-silver type necklace, accompanying teardrop earrings. Her hair was done and curly, and I could just make out the presence of silver eye shadow and eyeliner.

"Hey, Kairi." I managed in a smile, watching Taranda scurry about.

"Gather around kids," Taranda called, signaling for us to stand by the stairs together.

I passed a glance to Kairi who was blushing lightly. I extended my hand to her, to with she linked hers with mine seconds afterward. I walked her slowly, as if afraid to trip or lose my balance for some odd reason, over to the stairs. I stood beside her as she brought her hair in front of her for the picture.

"You two are so adorable together," Taranda cooed under her breath as he rose the camera to her eyes. "Ready?" She inquired.

"Yes." Kairi spoke cheerfully, nodding to my mother with elegance.

She looked so beautiful, and I was beginning to wonder why I had ever had doubts that I liked her. Something in the back of my head nagged at me, warning me not to fall for Kairi's new looks. I shrugged it off and smiled towards the camera as Taranda counted down from three. On three, she chimed 'cheese' as me and Kairi simultaneously smiled.

The picture was taken. And that was when I realized that I had taken the first step in the right direction. Of forgetting.

* * *

_**Riku . . .**__ "Well here we go one more time" . . .

* * *

_

_**  
**_Roxas was by the far the most complex person I had ever met. Between his undying love for Naminé, even if she was now hundreds of miles away, and his addiction to DDR, and at last, his ability to turn on his stalker without even realizing it. Roxas was an idiot in the essence of the word, but he was a good person. Probably one of the nicest in this whole town, I surmised.

Roxas passed a cyan-hued glance over to me. A frown was splattered onto his face as he stood there, arms crossed to his chest, cheeks puffed out. His blonde hair was messy, as usual, and he was at my house, as usual. This, as he claimed countless times, was the safest place to hide out from Axel and his friends. To that I laughed distantly, claiming that one day he's going to regret ignoring Axel.

Axel wasn't that bad. I had the chance to meet the guy a few times since I've been here. All he wants is to be with Roxas. Apparently, the two used to be best friends until Roxas fell head-in-heels in love over Naminé. Axel got jealous, and you can see where that lead them. Axel was charming, in his own special, sadistic way, and humorous. I didn't see what Roxas had against him that made him hate him with a burning passion.

Maybe I was missing something … not like it mattered to begin with.

"Riku Karada." Roxas huffed, making me glance up from my book.

"Yes?" I chimed, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Stop reading and help me figure out a plan to go see Naminé." He snapped at me before pacing through my living room like he was on fire.

"…You don't even call her." I retorted, eyebrows knitting together with humor.

"So?" He replied, lips falling into a displeased look. "I care about her, and I want to see her." He bit his lip and glanced out the window.

"That's wonderful." I muttered, eyes falling back down onto the black-ink words of the book in my grasp.

"What about you?" He asked, looking over to me once again.

"What about me?" I echoed, trying to concentrate on the sentence but was finding it rather difficult with Roxas talking persistently.

"You haven't had a single date since you've been here." Roxas painfully reminded me, walking over. "Are you like secretly engaged to someone and have forgotten to tell me?"

"I don't see how me not dating anyone makes me have a fiancé." I murmured, a smirk slipping onto my lips from the obtuse idea.

"How about you and Yuffie go on a date? She seems interested." Roxas noted, taking a seat on the beanbag chair next to me. He leaned back, passing a brief glance to the DDR game and then back to me, as if contemplating which was more important.

"Yuffie?" I echoed, eyes widening.

"What, don't like her?" Roxas questioned.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in her." I shrugged and closed my book, figuring I wasn't going to be doing any reading while Roxas was over.

"Then what about guys? Zexion is single, I hear." Roxas nudged me in the arm, smirking like he was confident in his idea.

"I told you I don't swing that way," I breathed in vexation.

"So you're telling me you only ever liked one person back home? And that was your ex, Larxene? Are you _serious_?" Roxas seemed skeptical as he reached for the dance pad, edging it closer to us anxiously.

"I only dated one person." I corrected, "Doesn't mean that I didn't like someone other than her."

Roxas smirked widely. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I answered simply, setting the book down beside me.

"You said you were different back home," Roxas began, "like you weren't so uptight and more flirtatious. What changed?"

"Don't want to talk about." I murmured.

"Fine." Roxas sighed and then arose to his feet to turn on the game system. "You don't have to."

"Thank you." I replied swiftly.

"I'll just whore your game until you find the courage to talk about it." Roxas grinned widely at me as the opening theme started. He eagerly jumped onto the dance pad. I sighed, rolling my eyes and pushed my beanbag away from him and looked at the clock and then down at my phone. On it displayed the date, January 3rd. I sighed again and then closed my eyes.

The school year was almost halfway over, and I still was as lost as I had started.

Damn society.

* * *

_**Sora . . .**__ "__I tried to climb your steps__" . . .

* * *

_

"Hey Sora."

Tidus had practically come out of nowhere and slapped his hand on my shoulder, similar to what Taranda had done earlier. I tensed at first then eyed the light brunette curiously. Beside him was Naminé, her blonde hair straight down. In her hair was a single, blue crystal clip tucked above her left ear. She wore a simple and elegant white dress with blue sparkles. She clung closely to Tidus and smiled at me, showing off her pearly white teeth. She reminded me of an angel.

"Hey you two." I responded, grinning.

"Where's Kairi?" Tidus inquired, glancing around curiously, noticing my lack of date on my arm.

"Oh, she's getting something to drink." I answered, shrugging. "Anyway, how are you guys?"

"We're good," Naminé replied care freely, looking around the winter-themed homecoming room. "We never had these dances back in Traverse Town." She spoke softly, a genuine smile on her pale lips.

"Really?" I questioned.

"Yeah." She nodded, "Because Roxas always asked me to them. I told him I'd love to go with him, but the school never held one." She shook her head and then laughed distantly, "Then he got Riku to ask me to the first actual dance."

I tensed.

"Sora?" Tidus asked, looking at me. "You're looking pale … are you getting sick or something?"

Sick was an understatement.

"D-did you say Riku?" I asked weakly, pretending to be only vaguely interested. Naminé blinked and then nodded. Tidus, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to start laughing. I glared at his immaturity.

"Yes?" Naminé replied, "You know him?"

"Of course Sora does." Tidus cut me off, "Sora here was-!" Tidus began cheerfully with a wicked smile but I cut him off as he did to me.

"Was best friends with him." I finished, eying him darkly.

Did Tidus know?

"Oh." Naminé laughed, "He seemed really nice." She nodded and then paused, "I'm just surprised that he never talked about you …"

It was like breaking my heart all over again. I looked away painfully, pretending to ask like I didn't care. "Oh well."

Tidus noticed the glitter of hurt in my eyes, "Come on, Naminé, let's dance." He directed her away from me, shooting me a look of sympathy. I supposed he was surprised that I was still upset about my best friend leaving and completely forgetting about me. Hell the last time I talked to him was on my birthday nearly two months ago. …The last time I thought about him was nearly a month.

"Sora?" Kairi asked, poking me softly in the shoulder. "You look sad, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I said coolly, smiling gently at her, "Just was zoning out."

"All right." Kairi paused and glanced to the DJ, "Sora!" She beamed at me and dragged me towards the dance floor.

"What?" I questioned, feeling Kairi's grip on my hand tighten as she pulled me towards the middle. Her arms slid around me delicately. Her elegance remained me of a fragile, yet strikingly graceful lily. So pure, bright, and vibrant, and yet with a soft and gentle nature. No doubt that she was beautiful … it's just, her beauty really never did anything for me.

Cautiously, I rested my hands a few inches above her waist, both hands firmly on her sides. Her turquoise eyes met my deep blue ones briefly before I glanced away, laughing sheepishly. She didn't question it, and that was only when I realized what song was playing.

"Sora… you okay?" Kairi asked a few seconds later, tilting her head as we swayed to the soft, gradual beats of the song.

"Fine." I mumbled, trying not to let the song and the lyrics get to my head. I was so weak that it frightened and angered me all at the same time.

Everything was going to be all right. I had to keep telling myself that. Smile and make Kairi happy, that was my goal for the night. And have fun in the process. Not listen to this song that I thought I had gotten rid of. That was the plan. Simple ...

"You look sad," She noted, raising a hand from around me to gently trail an index finger along my cheek. "…Either I'm going insane, or that's a tear." She whispered.

"Don't." I mumbled weakly, turning my cheek away from her. She removed her hand, as if she had just been burnt. I winced and sighed, pulling her closer. "I'm sorry." I apologized quickly, "I've just been stressed lately, and I guess … I don't know," It was a complete lie. I knew exactly what was getting to me.

She silenced me with that carefree smile. "You don't have to explain, Sora. Whatever's boring you is your business." She nodded her head and then laughed nervously.

"Kairi?" I inquired, watching her mess with my suit with her fumbling fingers, as if kneading the fabric to calm herself.

"Heh…" She blushed and then leaned up a bit, letting our lips brush innocently. My hands fell limply from around her, standing there in utter shock. My eyes closed shut, and I barely felt her smooth lips coaxing mine into a reaction. It didn't come. I just stood there, running through the situation in my head. Kairi was _kissing_ me, and I wasn't doing _anything_ about it. I wasn't returning it, or running away. I was just standing there like a freaking statue.

She pulled away a bit, reaching up quickly to tug at a stray strand of her hair. She twirled it around on her finger, eying me hopefully.

"I'm sorry, Sora." She murmured when she noticed the dazed look on my face.

I shook my head drearily, trying not to let it phase me that much. "Don't worry about it." I offered, smiling a bit to try and lighten her moods.

She was one of my best friends … and I couldn't let a _jerk_ like Riku get in between that.

Even if I was still in _sheer_ love with the boy.

* * *

_**Sora . . .**__ "__I tried to chase you down__" . . .

* * *

_

It was second period, also known as second block in my school, also known as Algebra II. My eyes flickered off the whiteboard the teacher was scribbling on busily. The formulas he was writing I had already committed to memory. Something about slope and y intercepts on a graph. I knew these things from Algebra I back in eighth grade, so I figured this was just a review for those who weren't so great at it.

Math had never been my _thing_. When I was in second grade, I failed, not being able to subtract numbers. It was a typical problem, but my mother helped me to overcome it. Ever since then, I was really never into math. I struggled through my Algebra I class with a low B. Amazing, actually.

Graphs. Now graphs were my enemies, and I hadn't the slightest idea why these formulas weren't giving me a hard time. I guess it was just all math, until we started doing the plotting. That was going to be my downfall, I swear.

I sighed and looked over at Kairi who was busy copying down the notes and the equations on the board. She looked so studious, and unfazed by Friday night. Maybe the kiss hadn't been that big of a deal for her. I mean, her and Hayner had kissed when they were dating … so I figured a small kiss wouldn't matter much to Kairi.

Then again, to me, I was still desperately trying to figure out why I felt so _terrible_ and violated by it. I shook my head, laughing at my own insecurities as I caught her look my way. She offered a timid smile, to which I responded with one of my own.

I also figured that the quickest way to overcome a dying love, or a love that is as close to dying as one can allow, is to find someone new and fill that hole. Even if that new love was Kairi. I supposed I could learn to love her … but I never saw her of much more than a friend.

Oh I was complicated all right.

Tidus scrunched his nose at the desk beside me, and insisted on tossing a folded note my way. I glanced at him before quickly undoing the flap and opening it. Inside was a fancy writing. Too messy to be a woman's, yet too … neat and creative to be a man's. I arched my eyebrows at it, realizing that it was in fact not from Tidus.

My eyes swarmed across the room until they met with a pair. Naminé's.

I looked back down and started to read.

_Sora,_

_I'm sorry about Friday night. I didn't mean to cause you any discomfort. Tidus seemed worried about you, and I guessed I had said something wrong. I'm sorry. If you don't mind me asking, what mad you so upset?_

_Naminé_

I sighed and quickly wrote back to her.

_I'm sorry myself if I made you think I was mad. Just a bit … displaced I guess. Nothing you said really got me upset, just a bit sad? I guess losing my best friend for as long as I can remember got to me, and still does._

I passed it back to Tidus and went back to staring out the window. Her response came just as class was ending.

_Oh. I get it. Moving here has been rough on me … leaving my friends and all. If you ever need to talk, feel free to seek me out._

She signed it was a smile, and walked out of the class with me, Tidus following close behind with Kairi. Perhaps I could get through this. What ever _this_ was.

* * *

_**Riku . . .**__ "__I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground__" . . .

* * *

_

Axel leaned over me, glancing at Roxas in the process. I stared at him, noticing how his eyes traveled along Roxas' body, completely entranced. Roxas was playing DDR, and after much begging and pleading, Axel had managed to slither his way into our afternoon hangout. Roxas didn't like that idea that much, but figured he'd give Axel a shot at being his friend. But at the rate Axel was going, I knew friend was the _last_ thing on his mind for Roxas.

"God he's so hot." Axel cooed, taking a seat beside me on the couch. He kept his voice low as his eyes danced along Roxas' body in beat with the music blaring from the game.

"…I don't judge guys." I scoffed, narrowing my eyes at the red-head. Even if he _was_ looking the other way.

Axel turned his attention back to me, crossing his arms. "…You never told me, how was life back on a remote island? How did you guys /live/ without Dance Dance?" He flicked his gaze to Roxas and then back to me as if to say '_it gives me an excuse to stare at him and his rather enticing ass'_.

"We actually did things other than this game." I retorted innocently, "S-… my _friend_ and I used to play games all the time." I corrected myself, biting my bottom lip.

"Ss?" Axel hummed, arching his fiery eyebrows in curiosity.

"Ss what?" I countered, blinking at him as the song's beat increased.

"You were about to say his name." He grinned, "Which I don't know why you don't… I mean, he was your best friend, right?"

"Forget it." I replied in a grumble as Roxas finished and looked back at us.

"Would you two stop with your male on male relationship fantasies and actually participate?" Roxas questioned, sweat falling from his face.

Oh god …

I looked to Axel who was bearing a smug smirk as he arose from his seat. He made his way over and slide his lanky arms around Roxas' girlish waist. He leaned down and breathed huskily into the sweaty boy's ear. "How can I when I have you all sweaty and _gorgeous_ in front of me?"

I smacked my forehead with my hand. "Axel you're a pervert." I hissed.

"Get off me." Roxas demanded but Axel's grip tightened.

"Come on, blondie." Axel said, messing with a strand of Roxas' hair. "You don't have to be so uptight. Not like I'm molesting you or anything."

"Pretty close to it." Roxas scoffed, trying to wiggle free. But of course, Axel denied Roxas of that, again.

"I'm going to my room." I muttered, exchanging glances with Axel.

"You're just jealous, _Riku_." Axel chortled and nuzzled his chin against Roxas' shoulder.

"Am not." I breathed back and marched to my room in a flurry.

"What's up with him?" Roxas dared, blinking.

"I think he's suffering from a little something called love." Axel sang, singy songy as he pecked Roxas' cheek. Roxas groaned and wiggled out of Axel's grasp and collapsed on the couch, wiping vigorously at his cheek.

* * *

_cookies to those who can guess what song came on at homecoming... i bet you can't guess what song it is : D . . . maybe you won't guess it right after all._

* * *


	4. taking sides

sorry for the lack of update for this story?... really, you can kill me if you want. i promise ill try and update more for this story! i'm sorry! just please review so I know someone's still reading this! Heh..

* * *

Sick Cycle

* * *

Kairi was, to say the least, completely enraged when she realized that I hadn't spoken to Riku for six months now. It was almost the end of April. Riku had been gone since the end of August. He had been gone for almost eight months now, but it felt like eternity. It was getting harder to imagine his voice. His face though, was forever burned into my mind. Silver hair, beautiful green eyes, handsome body. It was getting harder to even remember how it /felt/ to actually /touch/ him. It was even getting harder to forget him. 

Kairi and Tidus told me that if Riku ever showed his face here again, they'd push him down the stairs. I asked why, and Tidus replied curtly with, "That way he'll feel _half_ the pain we've felt by him ignoring all of us."

I doubted they missed him as much as I did. It was weird. I never thought I'd allow myself to actually /miss/ him this much. My freshman year was almost over and it had been entirely Riku-less. I thought that maybe things were going to be fine at the beginning of the year. Back when Riku text-messaged me during assemblies and on my birthday and stuff like that. That was when I was gullible … though, I still sort of am. If he were to suddenly reappear and tell me something/anything/, I'd believe him.

If I have anything to be happy over, it's Tidus' relationship. Tidus and Namine started dating 'officially' after Homecoming. Tidus claims that he's never felt so much /love/ for one person before. They make a great couple. I'm sort of envious of their happiness.

Me and Kairi, though, didn't work out so well. I feel bad … for her not knowing the truth. Which leads me to the present, right now.

"Sora, what did you want to tell me?"

Kairi sat in my desk chair, her legs swaying back and forth off the edge. Her red hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail whilst a few stray strands fell in her face, accenting her purplish eyes. The teenager stared at me for awhile, as if silently urging me to speak. She's my best friend nowadays, so it kind of feels wrong not telling her the truth.

My eyes rose from the bed over to her. Purple briefly met blue before I timidly looked away. My legs crisscrossed on the bed as I exhaled deeply. I needed to tell her. I needed to tell someone. It was gnawing at my heart and making me feel downright sick. I'm surprised I haven't gotten an ulcer.

"Sora, you can tell me anything," Kairi reassured me. The red-head arose from the chair and relocated herself beside me. A comforting arm draped around my neck as she smiled.

My stomach knotted and I looked to her, eyes involuntarily clouding with tears. I forced myself not to cry. Boys weren't supposed to. Especially teenager boys. I then clenched my fists tightly, watching my knuckles turn white. "I…" I began nervously, throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

"Come on, Sora. Just say it, I won't get mad or anything," Kairi urged, patting my shoulder with assurance.

It was now or never. Though, never looked quite appealing… My mind wasn't working, so I just blurted out the first things that came to mind, "I miss Riku!"

I don't know _why_ I had yelled it, or _why_ my voice cracked as badly as I did. My nails dug deeper into my palm as I sat there, my body slightly shaking from nerves. Tears clouded my vision again, making it harder to 'come it together'.

I was surprised when I felt my body being pulled into a comforting hug. Consoling murmurs that I couldn't quite understand came my way as Kairi wrapped her arms around me. Her thin and feminine fingers sifted through my hair, massaging the scalp like a mother would do to their child. Instead of yelling or laughing like I thought she would, she was doing her best to calm me down. It was then that I realized Kairi had always been there and it was foolish of me to think any less.

"I just miss him so much," I whimpered, my arms resting in my lap as I laid my head under the crook of her neck. My eyes shut tightly as I sat there, trying to calm myself down. My mind, though, was having none of that until I said everything. "He… he hasn't talked to me since my birthday … and he promised he would and … he …"

"I understand, Sora," Kairi whispered sympathetically, putting her chin on my shoulder. "We all miss him."

"Kairi," my voice cracked once more. "I miss him /too/ much," I tried to explain, my body trembling against her. I felt /pathetic/, really. "I can't get him out of my mind …"

Kairi paused. The teenager pulled out of the embrace to look me in the eye. Caring purple hues locked with mine, trying to understand what I was telling her. She /wanted/ to understand. I could just /see/ it in her eyes. "Sora?" she asked quietly.

"The…reason I couldn't… date you… or anyone else," I attempted, a tear falling down my tanned cheek. "Is… because… I just can't… forget about Riku…"

Kairi blinked a few times. "Why would ?" she asked confusedly.

There was no easy way to say this. My eyes peered upwards, once again meeting hers. "Kairi, you're my best friend," I began/praying/ that she would comprehend and accept what I was about to say. A cleared my throat just a bit. "So I wanted you to be the person I told, because I don't think anyone else would understand."

Kairi nodded, her eyes drenched with trepidation. "Tell me what?"

"…I love him."

The silence wasn't that reassuring. I /hoped/ that she didn't start going off on how 'everyone loved Riku' and that we were all friends. I hoped that she knew that when I said love, I meant _love_. The kind of "not being able to live without you" type that romance novels are made of. Never before had I wanted someone to be as perceptive as I wanted Kairi to be at this moment.

Kairi appeared a bit dazed. Sudden realization spread across her beautiful features before whispering an almost inaudible, "Oh." A moment passed before her hand slipped onto my shoulder, dragging me back to reality. "Sora, I had no idea." A frown then appeared on her face. I was afraid that she was _disgusted_ in me. "Does he know?"

"No," I replied emptily.

"I can sort of see why you didn't tell him," Kairi reasoned, her fingers lightly curling around my shoulder. "God, Sora. I can barely imagine what it's been like for you…" she trailed off, her mind thinking back to the past months.

It was hell. It was complete _hell. _I refused to date anyone for two reasons. One, because the female body did nothing for me whatsoever (though I did admire it. It just didn't attract me). And two, because I was hopelessly in love with Riku, and every time I tried to forget about him, something happened that made me remember him. And when that happened, I just wanted to cry. It was like a love story gone _bad_.

"He had no idea," I whispered. "He had no idea that every time he did something odd, I'd suddenly feel like there was hope. Hope that maybe he loved me too." It was so odd to say the word 'love' out loud. "I just thought that maybe, just _maybe_, that he would figure it out and not be appalled."

"Sora," Kairi said compassionately, trying to smile, urging me to 'let it all out'.

"And when he stopped calling, I thought that maybe I did something wrong. I thought that maybe he finally fell in love with someone that wasn't me. So I tried to forget about him, but I every time I do… I just can't." And that was it.

"Sora," Kairi said again. I was suddenly starting to loathe my name. "I know that you won't believe me when I say I understand, because I know that I can barely begin to say that I know how you feel. But please try and believe me when I say that I'm so sorry for what's happened."

"Thanks, Kairi," I murmured, glad that she didn't think I was any less of a person. I had been /so/ terrified that if I told her she would get upset or be disgusted.

"No problem, Sora," Kairi said with a faint laugh, relief flooding into her voice as she smiled warmly at me. A pause. "Hey, if it isn't too much on you, you think you're up for calling the bloke?"

I froze. "Wh…at?" My word was spaced out with an uneasy pause. "I couldn't…he'd…"

"Ask him why he hasn't called any of us or something," Kairi said and then paused. "Hand me your phone, I'll do it. I want to give him a piece of my mind."

"Please don't!-" I suddenly was /horrified/ at the idea of Kairi speaking to Riku. My tears were gone and now all that remained was fear and nerves.

"I'm not going to tell him _that_," Kairi reassured me. "I'm just going to say that I don't appreciate him blowing us off."

"…fine…" I caved. I knew Kairi wouldn't back down. And besides, she had promised not to mention me whatsoever, so there was no chance that Riku would get mad at _me_, right? I reached for my cell phone that was on my bureau. With one quick bend, I snagged it and tossed it at Kairi.

"Thank you," Kairi hummed as he flipped it open and searched through my address book. Once she had found his number, she grinned victoriously and rose the phone to her ear, brushing her hair out of the way.

One ring…

* * *

_**Riku . . . **"_I tried to earn my way"

* * *

"Roxas! You _cheat_!" 

Axel had resorted to tackling Roxas to the ground with rage. The fiery red-head pinned the blonde beneath him, unusually bright green eyes staring down at his prey. Lips curved into a look of half anger and half adoration. The blonde writhed beneath him, glaring up at his attacker. "I don't _cheat_. I'm just better at the game then you," Roxas seethed, trying to push Axel off him, not taking kindly to their position.

"Guys…" I mumbled from the couch, lifting my gaze off my book. "Can we please keep the arguing down to a minimum?"

"_Riku,_" Axel sang my name, lips curving up into a smirk as he let Roxas go. The blonde huffed loudly and resumed playing DDR like nothing had happened. Axel, though, stalked his way over to the couch, his hands on his hips like what I said had offended him. Perhaps it did. I don't really know. "You _know_ that Roxas' arguing is just his way of showing his love for me."

"Doubt it," Roxas snapped as he stomped a bit vengefully onto the right arrow at the beginning of the song.

"Liar," Axel hummed before taking a seat next to me. "It's such a nice view from here," Axel commented, eyes glued to the blonde's moving backside.

My lips formed a frown as I looked towards him. "Are you _always_ going to be a pervert?" I mumbled, a bit annoyed.

"Perhaps," Axel answered with a shrug. "I mean, we _always_ come here after school, so it's my right to _always_ be a pervert. That is, until Roxas gives in and admits his undying love for me!"

"Not going to happen," Roxas called as he continued on.

"I love the challenge," Axel said with a flirty grin before crossing his arms. "How'd your date with Yuffie go?"

"Don't remind me," I groaned, raising my hand to my head. "You know as well as I do that the date was a _sympathy_ date. The girl was all over me the entire time," I continued with a shudder. "I barely watched the movie. I had to keep breaking away from her death-grip."

"Aw, poor Riku," Axel teased, his shoulders shrugging. "Maybe she'll take a hint?"

"Maybe," I replied.

"Maybe if you weren't so absorbed in your books and so damn_ distant_, you wouldn't have to resort to Yuffie," Axel explained nonchalantly.

"I don't _want_ date," I argued, squinting my eyes a bit. "We've gone over this a thousand times."

"I know," Axel laughed as he tossed his spikes over his shoulder. "It just never gets old."

"I'm sure…" I sighed the words.

Before Axel had time to comment, the phone rang. Roxas ignored it completely and continued on with his pounding on the dance mat. Before I could stand up to go answer it, Axel had charged out of the living room, into the kitchen. My eyes narrowed as I quickly followed him. By the time I entered the kitchen, Axel had already answered it.

"Hello," Axel said deeply into the phone, waiting eagerly for a response.

"What if it's my parents?" I groaned quietly.

"They know me well enough to not care," Axel said, covering the voice-piece.

"Hi… is Riku there?" The voice on the other end asked.

"Yes he _is_," Axel answered in a hum, arching his eyebrows over at me. "May I ask who's calling?"

"Someone who needs to talk to him," the voice retorted quickly.

"Uh-huh…" Axel trailed off.

"Who's this?" the voice asked with lack of amusement.

"Axel, at your service," Axel said flirtingly, detecting the female voice at once. "I'm certain that I can entertain you _far_ more than Riku can."

"Just give him the phone," groaned the female.

"Fine," Axel sighed and tossed the phone in my direction. "Have fun with that," Axel said and made his way towards the door. He paused, though, listening to see exactly who it was and why they had been so … demanding.

"Hello?" I asked, a bit hesitant. It was a rarity that someone _other_ than Yuffie called.

"Hello, _Riku_." Resentment was evident in the female's voice.

At once, a shudder slipped down my spine as my hand gripped the phone tighter. How did she?… "Kairi?" I practically demanded, eyebrows knitting in frustration.

"Kairi?" Axel echoed, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

"Yes, it's Kairi. First off, what gives you the right to _completely_ ignore all of us? What, are we not _good_ enough for you now, Riku? Are you never going to come back? Are you tired of us?" The questions kept coming at me, making me feel a bit defensive and angry. All right, more than angry. I _wasn't_ in the mood to talk to Kairi.

"I don't think what I do concerns you, Kairi," I snapped.

"Of _course_ it concerns me! All of us here think you _hate_ us, which you probably do," Kairi hissed at me.

"Well, that's comforting to know," I retorted, fingers threatening to shred the phone to pieces. "How'd you get this number?" I don't _remember_ telling Kairi the number. How'd she get it?

"Wouldn't you like to know," Kairi said resentfully.

I was about to cuss at her but I paused. In the background I heard a faint voice, nearly _begging_ her to hang up the phone and to stop. My eyes went wide and then emotionless. Axel noticed this, because he made his way over, looking at me with sudden concern. I was silent for a while, listening to the soft voice that Kairi was arguing with.

"Just so you know, _Riku_, you're not welcome here. Ever." And with that Kairi disconnected the phone call.

I dropped the phone to the ground, completely forgetting her voice entirely and her threat. My eyes relocated down onto the ground as my breathing became a bit … uneven.

"Riku… you look sick, you okay?" Axel asked nervously, jabbing me in the side.

"I'm…fine…" I lied, leaving the kitchen. The phone remained on the ground. I wasn't going to pick it up. Not for awhile…

_**

* * *

**Sora . . . "I tried to change this mind"

* * *

_

"I can't believe you did that!"

"He deserved it," Kairi huffed and crossed her arms, appearing quite flustered. "He had the _nerve_ to act like _we_ had done something wrong! _He_ was the one to move! The nerve of that guy," Kairi said angrily.

"Kairi…" I whispered, regretting having allowed her to call him.

"He had his weirdo friend over. The guy was trying to rape me through the phone," Kairi sighed and looked at me with a faint smile. "Sora, don't worry. He doesn't know you gave me the number. Even if he did, it doesn't matter."

"I feel kind of sick," I muttered, hanging my head low.

"Sora…" Kairi said quietly. "I'm sorry … If I upset you."

"It's fine," I answered with a shrug.

"Want to go get something to eat?" Kairi suggested. "My treat?"

"That sounds nice…"

Riku Karada … I still love you and it hurts that you're abusing that.

_**

* * *

Riku** ... "You better believe that I tried to beat this"

* * *

_

"Someone looks like he just died," Axel commented as we re-entered the living room.

I remained silent and took a seat on the couch. My mind was spinning in a thousand different directions. My heart hurt and I was getting a head-ache. Roxas had finally stopped playing his game altogether. The blonde passed a glance over his shoulder at me before walking over and taking a seat on my other side. I must have looked pretty bad for _both_ of them to sit down on the same couch.

"Riku?" Roxas asked, blinking rapidly. "You okay, buddy?"

"Apparently whoever that wrench was that called really blasted him out," Axel informed Roxas, frowning at the aspect. "She sounded really stuck-up."

"Why would you let that bother you?" Roxas asked.

"Maybe he had past issues with her?" Axel suggested, looking at the blonde with a dismal shrug.

"Hey…guys?"

"Yeah?" They both answered at the same time, which kind of frightened me. I cleared my throat and then ran my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how I was going to say what I wanted to. I _knew_ it was going to be a bad idea, proposing what I was about to, but I just felt so helpless.

"…I'm asking if I can catch a flight back home for this weekend."

"To visit?" Axel asked, not really getting what I was saying. "Why do you want to go back there?"

"Not to visit," I clarified emotionlessly. "I'm going back home for good."

"I thought you were staying until the end of summer!" Axel screeched, eyes widening. "You can't leave now! What about us?!" The red-head asked dramatically, putting on puppy dog eyes.

"I just need to go home," I restated, hands flexing by my sides. "I'm sure my aunt and uncle will understand," I explained with a sigh.

"…So today and tomorrow are our last days together?" Roxas asked weakly, eyes widening in surprise.

"I suppose so," I said with another shrug.

"Wow…"

"What made you want to go back so soon?" Axel asked, arching a brow.

"…You wouldn't understand," I mumbled, looking to the side.

"Try us," Axel retorted stubbornly.

"I just left something behind…"

* * *

Sora ... "So when will this end"

* * *

I dropped the phone and curled up on the bed, unable to breathe. My eyes widened in terror as I painfully gulped down a lump that had formed in my throat. My palms began to sweat and I felt entirely weak. My brain felt like shutting down. Had I heard her right? Was she telling the truth? Was it a … lie? I couldn't stop the tears from falling all of a sudden. I wasn't sure if it was shock, sadness, or sudden joy that spurred them. All I know was that I was crying and holding my pillow tightly, nuzzling my face against it. 

"Riku's home…" I whispered against the pillow, drenching it with my salty tears. "Riku's back… my Riku…"


	5. ignorance is bliss

_i'd likey to thank one of my betas who read this chapter, inuyashasears. This chapter is a bit short, for me at least. But it builds up to the next. So yeah. Review and all that other GOOD stuff.

* * *

_

Sick Cycle

My mom woke me up early that Monday morning. Thirty minutes earlier than usual (which would make it five a.m.). I did _not_ appreciate the wakeup call. Nor did I appreciate her tugging my exhausted body out of bed, wrenching my headphones from out of my ears. My blue eyes opened and watched in despair as my iPod fell to the ground, making a clunking noise. Terrified that it had broken, I scampered off the bed and onto my knees. My mother placed her hands on her hips as she turned on the light in the room.

"Kairi's mother told me that a certain someone's back," Taranda sang quite gleefully. Her motherly eyes were set upon me as I scrambled to recollect my fallen iPod. I held the lime-green object in my hands, pressing the middle button to make sure it was all right. Thankfully, it was. Releasing a sigh of relief, I turned my attention back to my mother.

"I know," I replied, biting back a jovial grin. I didn't want my mother to know how elated I was to know that Riku was home.

"Honey, why did you fall asleep listening to music? You know that's not safe," Taranda said, the glee from her earlier statement now completely gone. Brown eyes watched me as she placed her lithe fingers on my shoulder. "Come down to the kitchen, I'll make you a big breakfast seeing I woke you up so early."

"Thanks, mom," I answered in a quiet voice. I watched as she left the room, carrying herself towards our kitchen.

My eyes then settled back down to the iPod in my grasps. Wordlessly, I pushed my back against the bed, my shoulder-blades flattening against the cold metal of the frame. Carefully, my index finger began scrolling through the playlist until it settled upon a rather familiar song. More so the song I had fallen asleep listening to. With a goofy grin, (which everyone says I always have… it's not my fault I'm a happy person…) I clicked on it and slipped the small ear plugs on.

Humming along with the song, I made my way around my room, usually I was a neat person, but ever since high school started, that habit went out the window. I stared rather dejectedly at the mob of clothes spread out around my room, hiding the furniture (well, the little furniture that I actually had in here, anyhow).

Before I realized what I was doing, I had begun grinning like a maniac, swaying rhythmically around my room as I mouthed the words. I came to a complete halt. Gravity-defying brown locks fell down in front of my eyes as I laughed nervously. "Heh…glad no one saw that," I murmured quickly to myself. Only _girls_ danced around their rooms over a _boy_.

I then proceeded to quickly get dressed. When mom makes breakfast, she goes all out. Pancakes and all. I _love_ her cooking, but sometimes she goes over the top. Not that I mind. I just need to make sure I have enough time to get ready for school. Though…every time I went to do something, Riku kept popping up in my head. Did he look any different? Did he change?…Did he…hate me?

My stomach began to tie itself into knots as I slipped on a black shirt with a pair of baggy pants. Quickly snagging my windbreaker, I slipped out of my bedroom, iPod still in hand.

My mother greeted me with a plate filled with towering pancakes and syrup. I swear my eyes doubled - no, _tripled_ in size. How did she make so many?! I always wondered that though I had never bothered to ask. She probably just has a lot of mix.

"Eat up, Sora. You need the energy for all your classes," she sang happily, making her way back over to the sink. My mother dipped her hands into the soapy water and began cleaning a few bowls and whatnot.

"Thanks," I answered brightly, taking a seat and taking one of my earplugs out.

"Did Riku tell you himself that he was back?" she asked as her fingers swiped at the dirty surface of the plate in her grasps.

I fell silent. My fingers curled tightly around the fork I was holding and my eyes went from bright to dim and dull. I then quickly swallowed the pancake I had been chewing. It went down a bit painfully and I scrambled for my glass of water. After taking a quick sip, I dared to look across the room. Taranda was staring at me questioningly, silently wondering if I was all right.

"N-no…" I replied after the long delay. "…Kairi told me." I shifted a bit in my seat, eyes focusing on the stack. My mind began playing tricks on me. How did I know this? Well, it isn't everyday that you think your pancakes look like a broken heart. You know, with all the tears in it. Each one representing something someone you loved did to you. Something that Riku did to hurt me…

"Oh," my mother answered with a swift nod. "Well, when you see him, give him a big hug for me, okay Sora?" She smiled brightly and went back to cleaning.

Somehow, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do that. Maybe I was just being…a bit doubtful? Yeah! Everything was going to be okay! I just needed to go back to being perky and excited and…Soralike (if that was even a word...), or maybe like that movie Kairi and Selphie made me watch…You, Me, and Dupree. Your name plus 'ness'. So I needed to regain my Soraness?…I'm hopeless.

"Can do, mom," I mumbled after yet another moment of the only sound being the bubbles popping in the sink and the water swishing back and forth.

"Sora, honey, if you've missed him make sure to tell him," Taranda suggested quietly from by the sink.

I instantly frowned. "M-mom! He didn't even bother _calling_!" I refuted, tears of rejection clouding my eyes. Of course, I kept them in. I didn't need my mom noticing them.

"I didn't see you trying to call _him_," my mother reasoned, her agile fingers working at cleaning the plates.

You know…she's kind of right. If I had missed Riku _this_ much perhaps I should have called him? But he promised he'd call me!…I could have called him. I was just so afraid that maybe he'd be busy and that he'd get angry at me…I was afraid that my best friend wouldn't _want_ to talk to me. Perhaps if I had called, even texted him, maybe I wouldn't be in this odd situation.

"He said he'd call," I retorted stubbornly, lowering my head so that my hair fell hid my eyes.

"So you're both to blame. That's it. If he doesn't hold it against you, dear, then don't hold it against him," Taranda suggested compassionately.

"…okay, mom," I mumbled in defeat as I rose from my seat and made my way across the kitchen and towards the door, grabbing my bag with disdain.

"Have a good day, dear," she called as I left the house.

"Thanks mom, you too…" I answered quietly, ready to face my doom.

* * *

**_Riku . . . "_**It goes on and on"**_

* * *

_**

Destiny Islands hadn't changed one bit since I left it. Everything was the same as I remembered. And of course, the first person that came running towards me was Selphie. I sort of expected that. I mean, how could I forget her hyperactivity?

"Riku!" she sang excitedly, throwing her arms around me in a tight hug.

My eyes widened with a bit of shock. Alright, so I was expecting that, but it still was…to some degree, unanticipated. Laughing nervously, I pried the clingy brunette off me and smiled lightly at her. "Hey, Selphie," I replied more calmly than she had. _Much_ more calmly.

I hadn't even noticed a certain brunette watching in envy.

"I've got _so_ much to tell you!" Selphie eagerly said, grabbing me by the wrist. She then promptly began to _drag_ me towards homeroom with excitement brimming from her like lava from a volcano. Selphie … she was always a weird one. But at least I knew someone didn't hate me … which reminds me…

**_

* * *

Sora. . ._** "And over and over and over again"**_

* * *

_**

"This…is it," I stated dramatically, walking into my high-school after having taken a deep breath. A smile was on my face, whether I was aware of it or not. My hands clenched the straps of my bag tightly, as if to contain my enthusiasm. No matter how much pain Riku had caused me I was still eager to see him…talk to him…and dare I say even hold him. All right, so I was hopeless…it's not my fault. He's my best friend that I just so happened to fall for.

Tidus stopped me on my way to my locker. 1125, to be exact, if you were wondering. The brunette at once noticed the look on my face. "Wakka, come here," Tidus called, motioning for the other male to come over. Wakka promptly did such and they both blocked off my locker from use.

"What's with the look, Sora? Someone get laid?" Tidus asked, arching an eyebrow playfully.

My cheeks turned a dark red. "N-no!" I slurred, quickly shaking my head in refusal.

"Then what's the problem?" Wakka questioned.

They were acting more like _bullies_ then my friends, then again, this was _Tidus _and _Wakka_. The dynamic duo. Oh well. "It's nothing." I lied and pushed Tidus to the right so I could get to my locker. Tidus continued to watch me intently.

"I haven't seen you this cheerful in nearly a year," Tidus noted, rocking on the balls of his feet. "What's the occasion?"

By now Wakka had wandered off, to chat aimlessly with his other friends, no doubt. Nervously, I glanced around the hallways before gesturing for Tidus to come closer. Hesitantly, he did such. "Riku's back." I whispered, happiness somehow leaking into my voice as another smile spread. Once again I felt like I couldn't breathe. Stupid excitement.

"He is?" Tidus inquired, arching a brow. "Interesting," Tidus noted and then stretched his arms above his head. "Is he in our math class?"

"Dunno." I replied sheepishly and went back to getting my books from my locker.

I dropped my algebra book in sudden horror. There he was. His silver hair was a bit shorter and neater than I had remembered. If it was achievable, he looked even more gorgeous. Familiar aquamarine eyes caught my attention and it took everything I had not to collapse on the ground beside my book. Breathing heavily, I watched as Selphie flung herself at him. Anger and jealousy at once shot through me as I quickly turned around, glaring at my locker as if it was the reason for my discomfort.

If it was possible to feel any more nervous … well, it would be a miracle.

* * *

**_Sora. . . "_**Keep spinning around I know that it wont stop"  
**_

* * *

_**

I think that Tidus can tell the future. I'm serious. How he knew that Riku was going to be in my algebra class … I'm not quite sure.

Either way, halfway through class Riku entered, silver hair sparkling. Now that I got a good look at him, he looked even more godly than he did when he left. My breathing rate turned dangerous again as I glanced down at my desk. Why oh why did I have to be stuck with the front _seat_?! Someone hated me… I made sure not to make eye-contact with him, afraid that if I did my eyes would betray me.

Sneaking a peek at him as he took a seat in the far back corner behind Naminé, I exhaled loudly. There he was. It took everything I had not to jump out of my seat, tackle him, and _kiss_ him. I tore my gaze away when he turned his head in my direction. Naminé had begun whispering to him already. They were old friends from Traverse Town, right?

"So, Riku, where are you from?"

Oh _splendid_. My teacher _had_ to ask him something. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, my body feeling limp and weak. Was I sweating?… I'm pretty sure I was.

"I moved to Traverse Town last summer," came his elegant response. _Damn…he sounds even better than before…slightly deeper voice…O-oh…God… _Trying to ignore my thoughts and my hormones, I grabbed for my notebook and began writing something quickly down in it. Something incoherent, probably.

"Did you have Algebra II there?" the teacher asked with interest.

"Yes sir," Riku answered calmly.

I wasn't sure if he had even noticed me, why that bothered me…I'm not sure. Regardless, for the entire math class, I kept my head low and my eyes glued to my book, only sneaking peeks over my shoulder once in a blue moon. When I did, he wasn't looking my way at all, and was reading.

Never before had someone looked so beautiful.

* * *

_**Sora . . . **"_Till I step down from this for good"**_

* * *

_**

Lunch. Well … That went horrible.

Wakka and Tidus were eagerly chatting about something pointless to Naminé. Kairi was by my side, noting my uneasiness. She didn't say anything. She knew that I was upset and nervous. The red-head's lips fell into a frown before she comfortingly whispered, "It's all right, Sora. He's a jerk."

I was doing fine, (not eating… I didn't have an appetite), until the vacant seat was taken.

Did God _hate_ me?!

A wave of silence overcame our table when he took a seat. If it was possible to feel any sicker, well, it just happened. I lowered my gaze again, feeling tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. Why wouldn't he… say anything to me? I had hoped that he would now that it was lunch.

"You're not welcome here," Kairi seethed, breaking the silence.

"Kairi-" Naminé spoke apprehensively, smiling faintly at Riku, trying to nonverbally tell him that it was all right.

"Go back where you belong," Kairi continued, narrowing her eyes.

I looked up weakly, staring at my untouched sandwich with a wave of guilt. Out of the corner of my eyes I caught him looking my way. My cheeks turned a dark red at once. Somehow having him just _looking _at me made my blush. I…I'm not sure why. He's just that… talented, I guess? Riku said nothing to Kairi, ignoring her completely, and went back to talking to Tidus and Naminé.

He completely ignored me…

* * *

**_Sora. . . "_**I never thought i'd end up here"**_

* * *

_**

English class. Last class of the day. We have this weird schedule. Four hour and a half long classes a day. And just my luck Riku was in two out of four of mine. Just splendid. I entered English class with a frown, keeping my head down low. Too many things were running through my head. And tears were threatening to fall. I didn't need anyone seeing, so I kept to myself as I took my seat in the last row on the far right, near the windows.

I hadn't even noticed that Riku was already in the room, talking to the teacher with amusement. It wasn't until I heard his unmistakable laughter that I realized he was there. My blue eyes snapped up from my textbook and stared at the front of the room. _Riku…my_ stomach ached and I wanted to leave the room as quickly as I could.

As if the devil was instructing him, he took the empty seat beside me.

If I could possibly get anymore nervous…it happened.

He was within…a foot of me…

Nervously beginning to scribble random letters on my notebook, I kept silent. My hand shook, and I hoped it was obvious… Anger suddenly swelled up inside of me when a few girls had run over to welcome him back happily. Each…_hugged_ him. Then the bell rang and they took their seats. One of them, regretfully, had the seat on Riku's other side.

I'm not sure what got into me, but I ended up writing a shaky note to him. Yes, I am hopeless…

_Hi :D. Long time no see._

Yes, it was cheesy. And it was meant to be friendly. Overly friendly, now that I think about it. Oh well. I shyly moved it across my desk to the corner, hoping he'd notice it.

The thing was…

He _had _noticed it…and didn't do anything about it. He completely...ignored it. Just like he had done to me.

If it was possible for my heart to break anymore…it happened.

* * *

_I promise next chapter they'll have some interaction.  
But that's how it went down … the ignoring, any how.  
So yeah. Review. I promise the next chapter will make up for this crucial…plot-builder?_


	6. one last chance

This chapter is all in Sora's point of view so I'm not putting in the divirders and whatnot. There will be a lot of Riku's point of view next chatper that'll explain loads of things. So ... yeah. Be forewarned, thigns are not always as they seem.

* * *

Sick Cycle

It was the morning after Riku had come back … Kairi and myself were sitting at the small lunch-room table in the morning. You see, we have a small twenty minute break before our class. Just to allow buses time to get here and whatnot. If you ask me, it's just an excuse to socialize. Or to stare at godly silver-haired _jerks_.

"He's ignoring you?"

Astonishment and yet guilty pleasure were amongst the first things I detected in Kairi's voice. The next being triumphant. A groan habitually fell from my lips, I gave her a hasty nod. I'm not sure why she needed clarification. The proof that he was ignoring me was right in front of us.

There was Riku, sitting amongst the 'popular' group. He was between Vincent and Reno (and Selphie who was looming around) with this indescribable look on his face. I'm sure that if you gave me an eternity I wouldn't be able to figure out what he was thinking nor feeling. Riku's silver hair gleamed in the dull lunch-room lights, making him quite conspicuous. It was like he _wanted_ me to see how he frolicked with his _new_ friends.

My stomach twisted and churned as I sat there beside Kairi. It wasn't until her fingers clasped my shoulder that I remembered that we were, in fact, at school. "Don't worry about it, Sora," Kairi told me, a consoling smile materializing on her thin lips. "He's a jerk, anyhow."

Wasn't that what best friends usually told each other when a boy rejected their proposal to date? Hearing that from Kairi didn't make me feel _any better. _In fact, I think it made me feel _worse_. Without a word, I gave her another nod, not really in the mood to speak.

"Sora, don't worry about someone like him," I heard Hayner say from Kairi's other side.

My sapphire hues at once tore themselves away from the floor to look over at Kairi's boyfriend. A slight shrug was my only answer. Hayner frowned at this, obviously not enjoying my answer. Therefore, I felt _compelled_ to answer him - this time, verbally. "I'm over it. He's never going to talk to me. He grew out of me. He's a jerk." My voice sounded believable .. But my heart was screaming otherwise.

"Touché," Tidus agreed. His buff fingers held his breakfast sandwich tightly, and a bit possessively. And for good reason. Wakka was sitting beside him, eying the food with growing interest (if you hadn't caught on by now, Wakka is Tidus' best friend and he _loves_ to mooch off of the blonde).

"I'm sure Riku doesn't hate you, Sora," Naminé interjected quietly, her fingers resting on Tidus' arm.

"Then why don't you ask him?" Kairi asked Naminé, her voice treading on the brink of a snap.

"Kairi, it's not fair to ask Naminé-" Hayner tried to interject, reaching for his girlfriend's hand. Kairi, of course, was having one of her _best friend_ moments and snatched her hand out of his grasp. All I saw on Hayner's face was a glare when she pulled away.

"It's not fair to _Sora_ either to not know why your best friend is pointedly _ignoring_ you," Kairi fumed, crossing her arms to her chest. I'm not sure if she did it prove her point, or to keep her hands out of Hayner's reach. Either way, it worked.

"I asked him already," Naminé whispered uncertainly. "He…didn't give me an answer. He changed the topic quickly," she explained before sighing heavily.

"So he hates me." I concluded. There was no hint of question in my voice. Just sudden realization. Maybe I did upset Riku, and now I was paying the price. Perhaps, somehow, he figured out I liked him?… But how could he? I only told Kairi and that was a few days ago, a week at most. He's been refusing to contact me _prior_ to that.

"Hate's such a strong word, Sora." Naminé said reticently. Did she know something that proved that Riku _didn't_ hate me? Or was she just trying to stay positive?

"Well, I _hate_ him." Kairi concluded, putting in her two cents worth.

"We're aware of that, babe." Hayner laughed apprehensively, sliding his arm around Kairi's shoulders. In the end, she exhaled loudly in defeat and accepted her boyfriend's embrace. Her body leaned towards him until her red-haired head rested securely on his shoulders.

"Maybe he's shy?" Tidus chuckled, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Riku's table.

"I doubt that." I argued, leaning my forehead into my splayed hands. I felt a headache coming on, for certain.

"Why don't you just go up to him?" Naminé suggested meekly, her artistic blue eyes meeting my brighter ones. A smile appeared on her face, hoping that I took her suggestion to heart and went through with it.

"I…I couldn't do it," I admitted, a light color spreading my cheeks. Not out of my love for Riku, but out of my _embarrassment_. I just admitted to my friends that I _afraid_ of talking to Riku. I must look like a coward.

"He's never mentioned hating you, Sora," Naminé pointed out. "He's never really … mentioned you at all. Not even when we were at Traverse Town. It's a bit odd … in a way." She shrugged and looked at Tidus with a frown. "You've got cheese on your chin," she said quietly as a giggle ensued.

Tidus quickly swatted the cheese away and blushed, whispering his gratitude to his girlfriend.

I suddenly felt so _lonely_. Everyone at this table had an other half. Naminé had Tidus, Hayner had Kairi, and Wakka was dating some girl that I didn't know. Was I a … freak? Maybe I was… maybe that's why Riku won't talk to me. Maybe he thinks I'm an immature child. Maybe he doesn't want to spend his time on me.

If I were him .. I wouldn't either.

**_

* * *

_**

It went without saying that throughout my entire math class I sneaked looks at him over my shoulder. Every time I looked at him, he became more beautiful - if that's even possible. Perhaps it was because I was observing him more. His face was even more flawless than it had been when he left, his hair looked a lot neater and shinier, and his eyes were as _gorgeous_ and standoutish as I remembered. I'd comment on his overall frame … but that'd be a bit embarrassing.

For some reason, my math teacher had left the room, leaving the room unattended. Some senior began talking loudly to the class, but no one really listened to him. You must be _pretty_ scatter-brained to be a _senior _and have algebra II.

Without realizing what I was doing, I had made my way over to Naminé's desk. For some reason the knowledge that Riku was sitting a desk _behind_ didn't register right away.

"Hey," I said quietly, standing next to her.

Her eyes glanced off her notebook (she was doodling over her notes, as usual) and up at me. A bright smile appeared on her face. "Hey, Sora," she replied, a bit surprised that I had been the one to approach her and not her boyfriend. Well … Tidus was sleeping a few rows over … so that's probably why he wasn't over here, greedily absorbing this extra time.

"Do you get this stuff at all?" I asked, motioning to the Absolute Value Formulas with disdain.

"Yeah," she answered and took her pencil and poked at the page. "You have to split the term into two equations and then solve for your variable. You always have two answers for Absolute Value," she explained simply.

"Why do you split it?" I was _so_ intelligent.

"Because," She tapped the brackets surrounding the equation. "The equation in those can either equal a positive twenty five or a negative twenty five. So you have to solve the problem and get a negative twenty five or a positive. Why? Because the absolute value brackets automatically turn what's inside positive."

"Oh," I answered sheepishly. "I...get it now, thanks."

"No problem," she answered kindly and then blinked. Somehow, she motioned over her shoulder to Riku who was behind her. "You gonna say something to him?" she whispered, just loud enough for me to hear.

I tensed. That's… right… Riku was behind me. I gulped and felt my whole body freeze. "N-no," I stammered, feeling like his gaze was drilling holes through my body. That was if he was even _looking_ at me.

"You can't get results if you don't try." Naminé said in a negligible voice, figuring that I wasn't going to listen to her. There was a pause as silence won over the classroom. "Sora, stay after school today. I have an idea," Naminé whispered up into my ear.

"Why?" I questioned. What was there to stay for?

"Just do it, okay?" She smiled. "I'll explain after class." And then she shooed me back to her seat, blushing as a few people stared at her. Before anyone could ask her anything, she went back to drawing. Tidus glared at the upperclassmen who were giving her peculiar looks. At once, they looked away. Not exactly intimated, but not wanting to waste their time on a freshman girl.

**_

* * *

_**

I'm not sure why I did it, but somehow during my Science class I had written a long note to Riku. I, of course, would _never _give it to him because I'd be afraid of the outcome. Writing just relieved my stress. Though, I couldn't help but let a few tears of frustrated love leak from the corner of my eyes as I wrote it. Thankfully, I was in the back and no one saw.

The note? Well, that read this…

_Dear Riku…_

_Hey…um, it's been awhile hasn't it? How was Traverse Town? Naminé tells me it's nice there and a lot different than here. I guess any place can be better than this. Heh. So...how are you?_

_I…wanted to ask you a few things. I'm probably acting paranoid or something weird like that but are you ignoring me? If you are, why? I'm sorry for accusing you of this if you're not! I just, kind of wanted to know why you haven't spoken to me._

(This was the part when I realized that I was not going to give it to him at all…so I might as well get out my feelings)

_I know I never told you this, and god I'm such a coward for holding it in, but I think that our friendship ended a long time ago. I mean, you were my best friend, yeah. But I… kind of saw you as more than just a friend._

_I hate when people beat around the bush so I'm just going to come out and write it. I like you. I've liked you for a few years now, and you leaving and not calling almost killed me. And now you not speaking to me, not even uttering a hello…it's tearing me apart, Riku._

_I know you're probably going to laugh at this letter, or even throw it away…perhaps you won't even read it…but I do like you._

_And now, if you have read that last part, you'll call me a fag like everyone else will if this gets out. It's not that I look at other guys…or girls for that matter. The only person outside of Kairi I've ever liked is you, Riku. And what…I feel about you…I never felt it about Kairi._

_Is this what it feels like to be in an unrequited love?_

_Can we please be friends again?…I missed you._

_Sora_

Labelling it as the most heart-wrenching letter I'd ever had the misfortune to write in my life, I crumbled it up and stuffed it in the darkest crevices of my binder, never to be seen again. I couldn't give Riku something like that! He'd just hate me _more_ if I did that! If he wanted to speak to me, he would! Right? Why do I feel like that I'm just setting myself up for doom?

**_

* * *

_**

Lunch went by quietly.

Riku still sat with us. Why he didn't sit with his new friends, I'm not sure. Kairi sent him death-glares the entire time while we all ate in silence. If we did speak, it was amongst one another. Naminé quietly chatted with Riku, obviously concerned that he might feel left out. And God, I hope he _did_ feel left out. I hope that maybe he felt the pain of being _ignored_ by people you thought were your _friends_.

Of course, my mind was elsewhere.

Naminé had suggested to me a brilliant plan. She informed me that Riku was staying after to go to theatre with her. Apparently a few other 'previously Traverse Town' students were going as well, and that the pair were going to catch up with them. Any way, Naminé told me that she'd ask Riku if he could go buy her a drink from the vending machine. In that time, I would confront him.

It seemed good, right?…

I just hoped that I didn't chicken out.

I wanted this torment to end. I really did.

Besides, I hadn't eaten a decent meal for a few days now _because of him._ If he didn't return my feelings, that's just great, but I didn't want to lose sleep over a friendship that shouldn't have ended. Why _did_ it end?!

**_

* * *

_**

"You really going through with this?"

Kairi leaned against the locker beside me as her eyes watched me pack my bag. Worry was drenched in those eyes. Maybe she thought I'd break down and embarrass myself. I didn't doubt that at all. It sounded like something I'd do, after all. Either way, I glanced at her after having shoved my Algebra book and my English one into my bag. (English, by the way, was uneventful. Riku was moved to a seat across the room…I wasn't sure whether to be elated or disappointed…).

"Kairi…I need to know why he won't speak to me," I drawled, trying to gather courage.

"I could always harass him?" she suggested with a forced, meek smile.

"That's fine, Kairi. I…have to do it myself. I don't want anyone else fighting my battles anymore," I murmured as I slammed my locker shut. The sound echoed and it hurt my head. I was just over sensitive today.

"You're actually speaking him after a year of neglect?…Sora, you're a complex person," she sighed aloud and shook her head in dismay.

"Kairi…"

"I just don't want you to get hurt anymore by that prick. I thought he was our friend, but he obviously isn't anymore. I don't want you to get your hopes up, Sora. He's changed. It's obvious."

"I have to give it a shot," I refuted, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"You still love him?" Kairi asked in a whisper, so quiet that I barely caught it.

It hurt to hear her say that. "I do." But it hurt even more to admit it myself. Even if it was painfully obvious.

"Then good luck," Kairi murmured, grabbing her bag that was resting by her feet. Without another word, she ran off to catch up with Hayner.

Why couldn't I have a love like Kairi and Hayner? Or like Tidus and Naminé?

What was so bad about me?

**_

* * *

_**

If I were to count the times that I broke down and cried over the song Far Away, it'd need twenty more hands. It was that many times. Lately the song had been a hit. _Apparently_ it was released the same day that Riku came home. If that isn't a cruel, messed up form of irony, I don't know what is.

I haven't heard 'What About Now' for a few months now. I don't have the heart to listen to it. It'd probably put me in more tears than Far Away. Just because me and Riku were _happy_ then. God, why did things have to end this bitterly?

**

* * *

**

Naminé told me to wait in the stairwell at the bottom. She said that Riku would be done in ten minutes, tops, and that this would be the only chance that I had to confront him. So she left, hurrying up to theatre. My body shook and I felt tears begin to fall from my eyes. I was _glad_ I was alone there. I was a complete mess.

Boys aren't supposed to cry. Boys are supposed to love girls.

Where did I go wrong?

Murmuring something incoherent under my breath, I stared at the door by the base of the stairwell. These would be the last few moments before I finally talked to Riku. Before I finally put this to an end. I…wasn't quite sure what I'd say to him. Or how much I'd say. Telling him about my infatuation seemed like a pointless and stupid idea. Why would I put myself in that compromising situation _just_ to be shot down? It was like playing with matches. You _know_ that you're gonna torch your house up, but you do it anyway. You watch your world smolder and burn and turn to ashes before your eyes and under your hand.

I knew it was wrong to love Riku. I knew it was stupid to keep loving him as he continued to _hurt_ me. I don't need someone telling me that. I _know_ that. But my heart bleeds when I think about it. It hurts so badly. They say you never forget your first love … I agree with them, whoever they are.

That was when I heard footsteps.

There they went, down the first flight of stairs. There they were, turning the corner.

And that was when my blue eyes locked with his aquamarine for the first time in almost a year.

He stopped dead in his tracks, halfway down the steps. Pale and yet skillful fingers lingered on the railing as he surveyed me, not saying one word.

I fought back the urge to cry. Just looking at him tore at something in me. My lip quivered as I tried to form a word. I was suddenly rendered mute. Those beautiful sea-green eyes continued to look at me, never looking at anything else but me. I wasn't sure to whether to be afraid or not.

He hesitated before taking a step backwards, up the stairs.

That single step jolted me back into reality.

"Riku," I whispered in a strained voice, not having intended to sound so _weak_ and distraught.

He took another step backwards and I just _lost_ it. "Damn it, no!" I _never_ swore. Only in my thoughts. I _never_ swore out loud. I don't _like_ to swear. The words have no interest to me. But I just _had_ to. The words seemed so foreign on my lips, like I really shouldn't be saying them. I half expected someone to come and punish me. When no one came, I realized that Riku was still on the stairs, frozen to the spot.

This time he walked _down_ the stairs. False hope sparked in my chest, but he just brushed right past me. Instinctively, I latched onto his arm, refusing his departure. I wasn't going to be silenced, even if I lost all my dignity.

"What do you want?" Riku nearly _hissed _at me, voice frigid. But something about the way he said that… something sounded forced. Something sounded fake…

I wasn't sure why, but suddenly a plethora of words entered my mind and left through my lips. "Why are you ignoring me?! Why haven't you even said 'hi' to me? Am I not _good_ enough to be your friend, Riku? Is _that_ why you haven't even _looked_ at me? Is _that_ why you're trying to run from me? Why do you hate me, Riku?! What did I do wrong?! Please…tell me what I did wrong," my words turned to whimpers at the end.

He didn't answer, just tried to pull away, eyes refusing to meet mine. A silent refusal.

"I'm tired of not knowing, Riku! I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay!" My voice sounded so frail and pathetic…I was surprised that he didn't start _laughing_.

"Why did you _even_ leave? Your parents weren't making you. You moved in with your uncle and aunt! Why did you _leave_?" I needed answers. My mind was dying inside from not knowing.

"And why did you even come back?" I demanded, this time a bit quieter.

Something lit on fire in Riku's eyes as he snapped his head up, aquamarine eyes glaring at me with something I had never seen before. Was he…mad at me? Without warning, he began hollering. "You want to know why I left, Sora? You want to know why I left this place and all my friends? You honestly want to know why I refused to date anyone while I was gone? Do you _really_ want to know why I left?"

I shivered, so afraid that he'd hurt me.

"I left because I was **falling in love **with _you_ and I couldn't _do anything about it!_"

All fell silent and I didn't process the words right away.

"And I came back because I couldn't stand not being able to see you. I came back because I _missed_ you. And now I'm being put through _torture_ because I can't get myself to say a word to you because I'm afraid that I'll slip and tell you that I'm madly in _love_ with you and you're too _dense_ and _straight_ to even _give a fuck_."

He tore away from me and began charging towards the stairs.

Riku…he….

"S-stupid…" I stammered.

Apparently the stammer caught his ears because he stopped on the bottom stair to listen to my response. All fell silent except for my snivels.

"You have…no idea…what you…put me through when you left…I couldn't think, sleep, eat! You _jerk_. Y-you're so stupid/" I slurred and he turned around and began approaching me, looking quite…angry, maybe?

I backed up unwillingly, my back hitting the wall. I shivered and looked at him as he stood inches in front of me, our chests touching. Was he going to hit me? _Kill_ me?

"I loved you," I whispered, tears free-falling from my sapphire eyes as I stood there, trembling. I then proceeded to correct myself, "I love you…and it hurts me so much, Riku."

I watched as his aquamarine eyes widened to triple their size. His lips ghosted words I couldn't make out. Maybe he was lying after all. Maybe he just said that to guilt me into spilling my feelings. He had just said he … loved me…and he had been joking?

"Fuck," he swore quite vulgarly. I was about to question it but I was rendered unable to speak.

His lips suddenly covered mine.

Something in me exploded. My heart, perhaps. Millions of thoughts came shooting through my mind. _He loves you. He left because he was afraid that he loved you. He loves you and was afraid you didn't feel the same. He loves you._ My hands shakily reached upwards, encircling his neck and pulling him closer. My shaky fingers dove into his soft silver hair, memorizing the touch. It was a lot softer than I had remembered.

Feverish lips clasped over mine over and over, quickly and passionately. His arms had somehow ended up pressed against the wall on either side of me as he leaned against me, claiming my lips against his. Hungrily, he began to nip at my bottom lip.

I…had never been kissed before…and _Riku_ was kissing me.

"I've wanted," Riku grunted between sloppy kisses, his right hand falling from the wall. Somehow, it ended up between our bodies and began slithering along my chest, as if to reassure himself that I was real. "to do this," he continued, his knee rubbing against my lower body _far _too teasingly "for _years._" he concluded as he took my moan as an invitation to slip his tongue into my mouth.

Riku was kissing me. Riku had his tongue in my mouth…Riku was….Riku had admitted his love and was making out with me. Didn't this stuff only happen in crappy movies? Then again…I went through enough hell…perhaps I deserved this sudden burst of _love_?

All I knew for certain was that I wanted _more_.

"I." My lips meshed against his, my hands falling from his hair to shyly slip around his waist, holding him close to me, surprised that he wasn't appalled by our love. "missed." My fingers slithered their way up the back of his shirt, relishing in the way he arched into my touch, his tongue coaxing my own into a feverish and desperate game. "you." I finished in a slur, unable to speak correctly.

He broke off when he needed air. Deep breaths followed.

Aquamarine eyes searched mine for awhile. "I left because I loved you," he whispered again, refusing to move away.

Never before had I realized that a kiss could even be slightly arousing. God was I wrong. "Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered, tears falling again.

"Sora…I…what were the fucking chances that you liked me?" he asked.

It was true. The odds were against us. It was hard to imagine that this was actually a requited love.

"Why didn't you even _call_ me?" I begged, trying to sound strong when I wasn't. True, Riku may love me (hopefully that wasn't a lie…) but I was still beyond angry at him. He had gone six months without communicating with me. For all I knew, he could have been _dead_. He could have at least said 'hello' when he got back. But no, nothing. Was he afraid of slipping up?

"You never caught on to my flirting," Riku groaned, trying to catch his breath completely. "And I knew that If I heard your voice I'd say something that even you would catch on to," he mumbled, glancing off to the side.

"Riku…you ignored me…you hurt me so badly." I whispered painfully, loving how he didn't move away from me. My arms shook, but their placement calmed me. They were around Riku. My Riku.

"…I suppose I don't deserve your forgiveness," he admitted with a shrug, his aquamarine eyes searching my sapphire. "You just don't get why I did what I did. And now I look like a total ass."

"A text every now and then would have been helpful," I mumbled stubbornly.

"Damn Sora, I'm sorry, okay?" Aquamarine eyes pleaded with me, nearly begging for my forgiveness. "I never meant to make you think I _hated_ you. I just left because I didn't want to burden you with knowing that I loved you."

"You're such a moron," I groaned, forehead pressing against his. "You should have just told me. We're friends. I would have understood and I would have…er…probably…kissed you." I slurred, thinking back to how desperately I wanted to be with Riku.

"Oh…" Riku looked to the side, a bit embarrassed. "I'm not expecting you to forgive me…but can we at least be friends again?"

"Riku…" I whispered quietly. He looked so distraught, so downright confused. Maybe this had been hard on him as well? It hurt so much that it was hard to forgive him for having given me the cold-shoulder. Maybe in time I would forgive him? What am I saying...I'm a total sap and gullible…and loads of other things. Riku loves me, right?

"I missed you." I slurred again, giving him a not-so obvious answer.

"I missed you too." Riku admitted and sighed peacefully, his eyes now lidded. "…what are we gonna do?"

Sudden realization that if we _openly_ displayed our love that we'd be the subject of ridicule and on the receiving end of punches. "Riku…I don't know." It seemed surreal. It didn't seem _real_ that he loved me.

"How's about," Riku's hand reached down and found mind before standing up straight, allowing me room to do the same, "we date, but exclusively? Would that be all right with you? Or do you hate my guts?"

"You…want to date me?" I squeaked, utterly surprised.

"You're the reason I came back, idiot." he teased, fingers shaking against my own. "This doesn't seem real, you know? It feels like a dream…I thought if I ever came back you'd never speak to me again. This…is a surprise. A pleasant surprise, nonetheless."

"I forgive you," I replied sheepishly, glad that this was after school and that people wouldn't see us. "…It hurts, but you're still Riku and I missed you and stuff…you're just gonna have to make up for what you did." I stuck my tongue out childishly at him.

Riku laughed at that.

"We'll figure out a plan tomorrow. Riku told me with a smile, raising his free hand. The silver-haired male then proceeded to run it tediously through my hair, earning a soft sigh from myself. "I should have never left."

"Duh."

* * *

_There's more chapters, don't fret. There are kinks to work out and yes, Akuroku-nesss._

_And now it's story time. (it's long … but I think it explains a few things…)_

_Once upon a time a girl named Caitlin crushed on this adorable boy named Brandon. They were in the fifth grade. They talked non-stop and were in 'puppy-love' if you will. Caitlin, you see, remembers their fifth grade trip to the Boston Museum of Science. On the ride there, when the bus entered Boston, she jumped over into Brandon's seat to look out his window at all the tall buildings. Neither of them had ever really been in a city that big before. Caitlin cherished that moment with everything she had._

_That summer they talked nonstop and flirted and other childish things._

_Eventually, in seventh grade, they ended up dating after Caitlin broke up with a jock named Dante… (she never really stopped liking Brandon). Any way, they dated. On a theatre trip, Caitlin and Brandon sat next to each other. On the bus-ride there, Brandon made Caitlin listen to his Lonestar CD. The song? What About Now. As they rode down the highway on that yellow-bus, she listened to the song and smiled. It was forever etched in her mind._

_That summer … Brandon called Caitlin one day. That day Caitlin had her best friend, Nicole, over. Brandon started the conversation casually … and then he dumped the news on her. He was moving to Washington for a few months. He said he'd be back by Christmas. Caitlin acted tough and pretended it didn't bother her. When she hung up, she dropped the phone. Nicole looked at her, quite concerned. Caitlin began to shake and sob hysterically. That night, she bought the Nickelback CD and found the song Far Away…things weren't the same after that._

_Love hurt._

_Caitlin, being the immature girl she was back then, refused to see Brandon before he left. It would hurt too much and she was far too shy to see her boyfriend outside of school._

_Brandon wasn't gone until Christmas. He was gone for an entire **year. **Brandon changed when he was gone. Caitlin, immaturely again, broke up with him after a few months when she met a boy named Alan. It was a mistake to date him. She was still in love with Brandon. And he told her to move on and whatnot, but it was too hard. Love just didn't fade._

_During the fall (one year after Brandon left), Caitlin was riding in her car with her mother back. Caitlin was flipping through the radio when she came upon something that sounded too familiar. It was, undeniably, Far Away._

_Caitlin broke down in the car. Her heart bled. She couldn't stand to be away from Brandon. It hurt to imagine his face… his voice …_

_Come to find out, Brandon had come back the exact same day. Ironic, no? Well, Brandon called Caitlin. They talked and found out they had English and Math together. Well…the very next day at school…Brandon was there and he pointedly ignored Caitlin._

_Caitlin was devastated, uncertain what she did wrong. Hadn't they spoken on the phone the night before?…_

_She tried to talk to him but he kept walking away and refused to read her notes._

_After a few months of tireless anguish, Brandon eventually talked to Caitlin after much heartache on Caitlin's part. He said he wanted to be 'friends' and that he had moved on and whatnot._

_Things…weren't ever really the same._

_As you can see, this story, Sick Cycle, was based off that tragic tale. However, it was altered to supply a better ending and more plot progression for Riku and Sora. Caitlin regretfully still breaks down over Far Away and What About Now. In fact, she's found herself crying a few times whilst reading this._

_Basically, this whole story's been a pathetic attempt at healing for her. It… just didn't work. She's still in love with the boy. I'm still in love with him and the only good thing I got out of it was a bitter understanding of unrequited love and a tragic story idea._

_The world's cruel, eh?_

_Anyway … review? Puh-lease?_


	7. the finale

The final chapterrrr I know I originally said it was going to be two more, but I managed to wrap everything up int his one. Haha... SO Yeah. The end of this story. Hope you all enjoy it and take it for what it is. I liked writing it ... and now I can focus all my attention on By Chance. (Ardor is like on a perm. hiatus...) and bereave should be updated soon? Wow. Any how, please take a moment to review this?

* * *

**Sick Cycle**

Sora, to say the least, was _extremely_ skittish about coming over my house after theatre. In fact, he was skittish about even _walking_ beside me. What did he think? That I'd jump him and maul him every second? Well, I wouldn't really mind that, but Sora's … too innocent and sincere. Besides, we just started dating so I doubt he'll come around any time soon. I'm his first … significant other, if you want to call me that?

"Sora, you can come closer you know," I stated, arching an eyebrow.

Sora was within five feet away from me, on the other side of the path that lead towards our neighborhood. I'm not quite sure why he wasn't waking beside me… Sora lifted his head and glanced over at me, looking a bit shy and uncertain. "Er… I knew that," Sora laughed nervously.

Within moments he was beside me, hands in his pockets.

It was then when I realized that Sora was extremely timorous about public displays of affection. Or perhaps just affection in general. Perhaps that kiss earlier had just been a spur of the moment thing… I figured it was such.

"Do you want to play some games when we get there" I suggested.

It was odd, to say the least, to have Sora as my _boyfriend_ after so long of wishing he was. I wasn't sure what I could get away with and what I couldn't. I didn't want to screw this up, nor did I want anyone else to know. Kairi and all of Sora's friends already hated me for what I did… I didn't need the entire school thinking I was toying with Sora's emotions purposely. Had I given off that impression?

"We could," Sora answered as he spared me a glance.

"Traverse Town was a lot different than here," I felt compelled to say. Perhaps a story about the past year would break the awkward silence? "The people are a lot ruder. Though I did have two friends that I talked with. They … were quite the pair. It was obvious that they both liked each other. Axel openly showed his affection and Roxas hid it. It was kind of funny to watch. I mean, I could see it in Roxas' eyes that he was afraid of liking Axel."

"Did they get together?" Sora asked.

For some reason my voice soothed him. At least, I thought so.

"When I left the other day they hadn't… Roxas needs to admit that he likes him," I answered with a shrug of my shoulders. "They usually came over my house and whored my DDR."

"D…what?" Sora replied, eyebrows arching curiously.

"Oh," I said with a quiet laugh. "I forgot that we don't have that here."

"What is it?" Sora wondered, tilting his head to the side cutely.

"A really popular dance game over there. Roxas was really good at it," I explained and smiled back at him. "They had a lot of things we don't have. But they don't have the ocean… or you."

Sora blushed a dark red. "…Well uh… I'm not that great."

"Nonsense," I answered with another smile.

Silence overcame us.

"You didn't date anyone when you were gone?" Sora asked with confusion. His blue eyes looked at me, as if trying to detect whether that statement was a lie or the truth.

"Nope," I confirmed. "Things were a lot different over there. All the people wanted was sex and yeah… I didn't like anyone," I mumbled. Yuffie. Just thinking about her made me shiver. That girl was obsessive and downright creepy. Though creepy isn't really the right word.

"I went to Homecoming with Kairi," Sora admitted. "She kissed me."

"…" I went silent for a moment. Sora kissed someone other than me?… Jealousy swelled in my chest and I managed to utter out a, "Oh."

"I didn't kiss her back," Sora felt the need to state quickly. The brunette waved his hands quickly near my face. "I told her that I didn't like her that way. Besides, Hayner liked her and she liked him and yeah… that's how _that_ happened."

"So it was basically a unrequited love?" I asked, eyebrow arching.

"Precisely," Sora sighed. "Though I wouldn't really call it love. I don't think she _loved_ me. Maybe as a friend."

"Not like how I love you?"

Silence.

"…" Sora didn't say anything. Sapphire hues remained glued to the ground, as if he was ashamed at what I had just said. Was he really this awkward about the whole 'dating' thing? Or was he doubting that I really came back for him? What ever it was, it bothered me immensely. "You really love me?" he asked quietly. "Love like in movies and books?"

"Why do you doubt me?" I asked as I stared at him quizzically.

"Riku…" Sora sighed my name in such a tone that I was afraid that earlier had been a lie. "…It's just it seems… like it's not possible that you could love me…"

"Are you saying that you think I don't know what love is?" I asked with obvious hurt in my voice.

Did my absence hurt him this much? Did it make him doubt me this much?

"You hurt me so much, Riku! I'm afraid to …" Sora began in a yell but softened to a strained whisper. Something desperate was in his eyes. And it made me realize just how badly I had hurt him. I left him without an explanation. I ignored him for selfish reasons. He must be terrified of getting close again.

I was glad that we were finally at my house. I opened the front door and Sora silently walked in, not saying a word. I figured that outburst must have terrified him. Did he think I was mad?… Love's so complex and confusing.

It hurt me to hear Sora suppress a sob. My dad was at work so I figured that us being alone for awhile would do some good… I hoped.

"Riku?" Sora asked as he leaned against the wall as I closed my front door and locked it.

I smiled softly at him. "If you're afraid of me up and leaving again, I'm not going to. You're my best friend, Sora."

Sora stared at me with those benevolent eyes of his for awhile. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or nervous. Or even worried. "Riku?" he asked almost inaudibly.

"Yeah?"

Sora took a cautious step closer. I remained where I was; just staring at him. "One call would have made this so much easier," Sora whispered, tears filling at the corner of his eyes. "Just one reassurance that you didn't hate me…"

"I'm sorry, Sora." And honestly, I was. "I wasn't thinking…"

"I want to know everything," Sora whispered before leaning against my chest. His face pressed against my chest, hiding from the world. Fingers desperately clutched at my jacket, as if to reassure himself that I wasn't going to disappear. It was only mere moments before I felt tears drops fall from his eyes and land on my clothes.

"Let's sit down," I suggested as my hand sought out his. Cautiously, I took that hand and lead us to the couch.

We had a lot to talk about, it seemed. If we were going to be able to start over and _date_ we needed to be completely honest with one another. It may hurt… but I needed to tell Sora everything. And maybe he'd learn to trust me again.

* * *

Sora

* * *

"It hurts thinking about the past few months," I admitted.

It was comforting sitting beside Riku. All the days and months of wanting to just _see_ him and _be_ near him were finally coming to some sort of closure. Perhaps not a closure, but more like a resolution. I wanted to date Riku, honestly I did. My mind was just refusing to let go of the hurt so easily. It was like every time Riku touched me … it reminded me of all that glare he gave me and how he hissed 'what do you want?'. Those memories just wouldn't go away.

"I know," Riku replied, his fingers combing through my hair as I rested my head against his chest. We were sitting next to each other on his couch, to be exact. We probably had talked about the past for half an hour at this point. He told me _so_ many things.

"Is there anything I can do to make it better?" Riku asked me. He held me close…as if he was afraid that I'd leave his life like he had done months prior.

"Don't let me go?" I suggested, nuzzling my cheek against his chest.

"I can do that," Riku confirmed, his arms wrapping tighter around me. "I love you. I always have, in some form or another."

"Is love forever?" I asked, a bit terrified of the answer.

"Sometimes," he said.

"Is our love forever?…" I whispered uncertainly.

"If we made it through this year… than I don't see what could possibly break us apart," Riku pointed out.

That made me smile. It honestly did. "I think I can forgive you."

"Thank you, Sora," Riku breathed, exhaling in relief. "You understand now, right?"

"I think," I answered slowly. His reasons seemed legit. It was true… every time we were near each other my feelings for him got in the way. The simplest things as sleepovers or play-fights were overwhelming. He was _terrified_ of hurting me… but he did in the end. Just a lot worse.

"Now…" Riku trailed off, his fingers not ceasing their path through my hair. "You still want to date, right?"

"Yes!" I answered all but too quickly. My sapphire hues rose to stare into aquamarine ones. I blushed and looked down at our feet. "I mean… yeah… do you?"

"Hell yes," Riku replied with a grin tugging at his lips. "Do you wanna.. Just date outside of school? You know, like going over each other's houses… movies, that sort of thing?" he suggested.

"Nothing at school?" I inquired with uncertainty in my voice.

"Well…" Something mischievous leaked into those sea-green eyes. "We'll see…"

"As long as no one sees," I pointed out. Kairi… Tidus… Hayner… Wakka, everyone would hate me for dating Riku. They just wouldn't _understand_. _I_ barely understood. It was like me and Riku spoke a language our own. We spoke in the language of love.

"Like right now?" Riku asked as his hand slipped from my hair and rested on my chin. My cheeks radiated warmth as his fingers glided along my heated skin, eyes never breaking their contact with mine. "Would it be too much to ask for a kiss?"

"If… y-y-you… w-w-want," I stammered uncontrollably. This kiss would be our first real one. Not brought on by sudden desperation or desires. Just a pure, innocent kiss. Of love.

Riku smiled fondly at me before leaning closer. Our breaths mingled and I felt a lump form in my throat due to nerves. As if on command, my eyes slipped close and I waited for him to close the gasp. I could feel and hear him whisper words that I couldn't quite make out. Those fingers that had been on my cheek froze in spot as he tilted my chin up, about to claim my lips in his.

But things like that usually are interrupted.

"Riku!!!"

I snapped out his grasps before he could kiss me. A dark scarlet appeared on my cheeks as I tensed. Riku turned his neck to the right to stare at his front door. Standing in it was an odd looking red-haired male. Behind him was a displeased blonde. Riku paled and dropped my cheek like it was on fire. Well… it sorta was.

"What the _hell_ are you guys doing here?!" Riku demanded, disbelief drenched in his voice.

"April vacation!" sang the red-haired male as he dragged the blonde into the room.

"…How'd you know where I live?" Riku asked cautiously, his hand protectively resting on my knee. "That's Axel and Roxas… by the way," Riku whispered into my ear.

"Asked your uncle and aunt!" Axel explained with a mischievous grin. He eyed me and then sauntered over. "Wow, he's cute, Riku."

"Axel…" Riku groaned in a warning tone, sounding awfully serious.

"So he's the reason why you went back," Axel made known as he continued to stare at me. His green cat-like eyes were a lot … greener than Riku's. To be honest, I liked Riku's more. Riku's reminded me of the sea. Of home.

"Axel, leave the two alone," Roxas groaned as he lingered near the entrance of the house, not looking too pleased. Our eyes met and I looked down at my feet. Could I possibly _get_ any more embarrassed than I currently was? I think doing such would be impossible.

"How did you get in?…" Riku asked weakly as his fingers gently rubbed the area above my knee, as if to calm me. It didn't work- it just made me even more fidgety and flustered. Stupid Riku.

"There was a key outside," Axel said quite dramatically as he motioned for Roxas to come closer. The blonde exhaled and sauntered up to his insane red-haired friend's side. Axel purposely proceeded to sit down in between me and Riku, _making_ a spot between us.

"…Riku?" I asked worriedly, eying his friend with concern.

"Axel…" Roxas and Riku warned at the same time, glaring the redhead quite viciously.

"Has Riku frenched you yet? Fucked you? Groped you? Did the congo with you?" Axel inquired in such a serious tone that the humor of that statement was wiped clear away.

"Uh…He uh…" I stammered nervously, twiddling my thumbs in my lap. Honestly, I thought Axel was insane. Who would ask something like that?… Riku and I just started 'dating exclusively' today and he's asking if we… did it? How immature and insane can this guy get?!

"I swear to god, Axel-" Roxas began in a threatening tone as he marched over, wagging his finger dangerously close to Axel's mouth. Too close, in fact, because the time it took me to blink once, Axel had covered his blond friend's finger with his mouth. I paled and looked away, barely noticing Axel yanking Roxas into his lap, mouth still over said finger.

Roxas shouted a slew of curses and proceeded to punch Axel in the jaw before trying to throw his body off his friend's lap. Riku growled and tried to grab Roxas off of Axel's lap, but the red-head was having none of that, and increased his hold around Roxas' waist, letting go of his finger in the mean-time.

"Um!" I yelled frantically as I dove off the couch and onto the floor, not wanting to get tangled up into the fray. My blue eyes stared at the trio. By now, Roxas had managed to fall off Axel's lap, but still had his legs sprawled across Axel. The blond's shoes rested against Riku's leg as he desperately tried to get out of Axel's grasp. I would have been _really _concerned if I hadn't noticed the laughs coming from each of them. They each had a different laugh that was strangely unique.

"Axel, you idiot-" Roxas began as his hands grabbed tightly at Axels' chest, trying to thrash the redhead against the back of the couch. Riku, meanwhile, remained on Axel's other side, trying to get Axel's grip on Roxas to loosen.

"Do you guys do this often?!" I shouted over their uproar.

Axel smirked and somehow pinned Roxas to the couch, knocking Riku off in the process. My silver haired boyfriend fell to the floor, making a thud echo through the room. Riku grumbled something under his breath and rubbed his head, lacking dexterity that was much needed. Both of our eyes rested upon the two males, who had suddenly begun to kiss.

"What the…" I squeaked loudly and shielded my eyes, scorching a dark red.

"You guys are together?!" Riku shouted accusingly, shifting onto his knees. Aquamarine eyes stared frantically at his two friends before looking away and glancing over at me. My silveret was stained a dark red and scrambled to his feet. Riku threw his hand out and beckoned for me to grab it. Wearily, I did such and he hoisted me onto my feet.

"Let's…leave them alone for awhile," Riku mumbled into my ear, eying his two friends who showed no signs of ceasing their much needed makeout session. "I'll ask them about this later…" he added on hesitantly as he yanked me out of the living room and upstairs.

With one last curious look at Roxas and Axel, I hurried up Riku's stairs. Riku lead me down the familiar hallway, towards his bedroom. Once there, he kicked the door open, dropped my hand, and gestured for me to go in first.

"I'm not a girl you know," I said stubbornly as I walked in. When Riku closed his door, I wasn't sure if I should be scared or not. "Riku?" I asked, just a bit nervously.

"I don't know what got into them," he admitted as he shrugged. "When I was in Traverse Town Roxas vehemently denied that he liked Axel … and now they're done their making out on my couch. Something's up."

"Heh," I remarked and shifted my gaze to Riku's floor. Riku laughed and walked over, placing his hand onto my shoulder.

"I'm sorry… I didn't expect them to come here," Riku said and placed his other hand onto my free shoulder. His sea-green eyes made contact with mine before he continued with, "I mean, I miss them a lot, but right now I just want to be with you…"

I tried my hardest not to blush, but it worked to no avail. In the end, Riku leaned closer and pressed his lips delicately onto mine. My heart stopped and slowly pressed my lips back against his. I wasn't an expert at kissing, so I nervously wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping that this position would be okay.

He chortled into the kiss and gently rolled our lips together, pulling me as close to him as possible. "Have you forgiven me yet?" Riku asked and tangled his arms around my waist. Riku then rested his forehead against mine, our kissing ceasing for a moment.

"Maybe," I answered, my voice dragging on the word. I smiled and then blinked in surprise when he tugged my body onto his bed. "Riku!" I squeaked and buried my face into his chest as my back made contact with his bed. It was really awkward having Riku tower over me. I suddenly felt quite nervous and out of place.

"Sora, calm down," he said as he laughed and buried his own head in the junction between my neck and shoulder.

"We're not gonna be like them, are we?" I wondered nervously.

"Uh…" Riku took a moment to think and rolled off me. My boyfriend laid beside him and cautiously took my hand. Riku then interlaced our fingers and stared affectionately at me. "Not yet."

"Okay good," I exhaled in relief and rested my head against his shoulder. "I want to take it slow," I explained, hoping not to offend Riku.

"I get it, don't worry," Riku explained and brought our adjoined hands towards his lips. To say the least, I was surprised when he kissed my knuckles, his aquamarine eyes staring directly at me.

"Heh…" I responded slowly, heat raising to my cheeks as I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his warmth. "You're such… an idiot sometimes, you know that?"

"So they've told me," he joked and proceeded to whisper into my ear, "I love you."

I grinned from ear to ear and whispered the words back. We laid there for awhile before Riku dragged us back downstairs to converse with his two friends.

**

* * *

Riku

* * *

**

It was the next day at school, to be exact. Roxas and Axel were staying at Roxas' cousin's house for April Vacation. I'm a bit worried about them being in the same house as one another. Apparently they got together when I left. Figures… I mean, it was obvious that Roxas liked Axel… no ones _that_ mean without a reason. Or maybe I'm just over thinking that? I mean, that's what I did with Sora when I first got back.

Anyhow, school was a bit awkward. Sora wouldn't look me in the eye. Whenever he did, he blushed darkly and looked away, muttering something under his breath. At math class I jumped at the chance to pass out the algebra work. When I got to Sora's desk, I put the paper on his desk and brushed my fingers over his idle hand, making an _adorable_ blush develop on his tanned cheeks.

I laughed under my breath and walked on.

Lunch… well, that was the worst. Kairi continued to glare me down and Naminé tried to come to my defense. I told her that I didn't need her help, and then offered the vacant seat beside me to Sora. Sora paled, gulped, and then cautiously sat down beside me.

Kairi glared viciously at me the whole lunch, thinking that I was just playing with our friend's head. She had no idea that under the table, our hands were tightly interlaced, resting upon Sora's knee, out of view.

English was boring and the only contact I got with Sora was when I gave him a spare pencil. Our friends brushed for a second before he went back to writing, ignoring the act of affection.

What can I say… I like doing this. Doing this in discretion adds a flair of danger to the mix. I mean, I love Sora and I've always have, but dating in secrecy is the best idea we came up with. This way, Sora won't feel embarrassed around his judgmental friends. I like it like this.

**

* * *

Sora

* * *

**

When I told Kairi that I was dating Riku, and that I wanted her to keep it a secret, I expected her to scream in rage, or throw a fit, or storm out of the house and run to Riku's and punch him. I half expected her to never speak to me again for dating him, even. But I never expected her to throw her arms around me and shout, "I'm so happy for you, Sora!"

That was the shock of the century. Actually, that came in second place. The biggest shock was Riku loving me. That still has to sink in.

It's been two months since Riku and I stared dating. Roxas and Axel, apparently, started dating a day before me and Riku. Go figure. Hah.

It's finally summer and I couldn't be happier. Summer means sleepovers with Riku and time with Riku and not having to hide our relationship. Summer means countless hours with the boy I love and kisses and… lots of stuff.

It's funny, every time Riku kisses me or hugs me, I'm always as nervous as I was the first time. Riku understands that I'm nervous, and has never really gone beyond kissing me. But god, we've kissed over a _million times_. And it never gets boring or unpleasant.

At first I thought that this was a sick cycle and that it would just keep repeating… but the more I think about it, I like it this way. Riku and I together… away from the world. In our friend's eyes we are still best friends, but in our own eyes we are more. I sort of like having it this way a lot more than I thought I would. This way, we don't have outside influences on our relationship.

Sometimes … I wonder how I got this lucky. I wonder why Riku ever wanted to date me. Then I realized that no matter what I reason, I never wanted things to change.

Everyone deserves happiness, right?

"Sora," Riku calls to me and I turn to look. He's smiling as I finish writing in my journal, my retelling of everything that had happened. I smile at him and set the book down, my hand cramping. Writing over fifty pages about your relationship is really tiring.

"Yeah, Riku?" I ask and stand up and saunter over to him.

He wraps his arms around me and whispers into my ear, "Tell me, how do you feel about sex?"

I pale and then mutter, "Riku…."

He's an idiot… and I love him for it.


End file.
